Reflections On A Loss

Reflections on the self I lost as I got older in the form of a letter to my present and past selves.

Dear Grown-up Sami,
    What is it like, being grown up? Do you still play with your brothers? Are they still fighting? I hope you’re still writing. I love to write. We’re going to be famous because of what we write one day. Soon, too. I hope you still live in the old holly tree. I can’t imagine the club house you’ve built in it by now! I have so much fun in that tree, playing games with Jake and Mace. Can you play with both of them at the same time yet? Nature is so fascinating. I love going outside, playing, imagining, exploring. You’ll never get tired of it. And as a grown up, I bet you get to see even more of the outside! Because you aren’t a boring grown up like Mom and Dad or Sissy. I know you aren’t. I have too much fun to end up like them. Do you still have that much fun?
                         Young Sami

Dear Sami,
    I don’t think you would recognize the girl you are today. You’ve changed so much through the years, never constant, but then again, we never wanted to be the same. We have too much inside of us, yearning to get out and learn and explore. I still explore. Maybe not the way that you do, but in my own, grown-up kind of way. Unfortunately, I have lost the imagination we once had. It has been trampled down, run over and forgotten. But it’s still there. All of you is buried deep within me and I will always remember you. Your boys, Jake and Mace, they love you so much. They fight over you, wanting to love you more than the other. Never forget that love. Keep them close to you, no matter how far they seem to slip away. I still love nature and always will. I think I respect it in a different aspect that you do, though. It’s awe inspiring. You will understand one day. Keep playing, laughing, loving, and imagining. Have no inhibitions. Most of all, remember you are your own self, and you are beautiful. Don’t let anyone change you but yourself. Don’t let little mistakes get you down; you’ll learn from them. Always remind yourself of who you are at the age you are now; that’s the person you will always truly be.
                    Always remembering,
                                    Samantha Emory

The End

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