I think I'll recap my year:
My sixteenth birthday was spent fighting tears because my Dad had not sent me a single card, a single flower, nothing.
I started to journal on a weekly basis.
I rekindled a friendship that only God could have brought together. A friendship that means the world to me.
My struggle against self-harm was brought to the surface and I made the decision to stop. I made the decision I was worth recovery. And I'm still going strong on eleven months self-harm free.
I shared my story with other's, something that I had been terrified of doing before.
I started counseling, then stopped going.
I was pre-diagnosed with anxiety, flashbacks, and trauma.
My parent's divorce was finalized.
My Mom met another guy, a guy we all hopes she marries.
After several months I had still not truly decided I was going to refute the lies. I had reached a stand-still in my recovery, a point which I had decided I couldn't move from.
My Dad committed suicide on the first of December.
Maybe this was the biggest shock. But it was a big enough shock to rattle my cages (and heart) to the realization I had to recover. Completely.
I have grown closer to my Savior than I ever could have without these experiences. My faith has been tried and still stands. He is a healer, He is a freedom giver, He is my beauty when times difficult. He has held me when I have cried late at night, He has whispered words of grace when there was nothing that could be said. He has filled me with a continual hope, even when I thought there was none.
I had since then decided to pursue freedom relentlessly. I have decided I will not fall into what my Dad did, I will know freedom and help other's.
I am so thankful for the year 2012. It has been a beautiful mess kind of year. Basically a mess that will become beautiful someday.
2013.......is going to be amazing. I don't believe I would have gone through all of that to merely survive the rest of my life. I was made to thrive and succeed.
I will succeed. I am filled with potential.