At first it was only the topic of reality. Then I realized my mind was suddenly consuming the page. Now the words are flowing and I wonder if I'll be rudely criticized. I must clarify, I am not saying that my words are fact. I am simply trying to understand the world within my mind.
What is reality? Well, according to the dictionary, 'reality' is " The quality or state of being actual or true." Now I'm pretty well-educated, I know what reality means, in words. My question is not what does the word reality mean. My question is, what determines whether or not something actually, truly exists in reality? Furthermore, is reality just one thing? Just one vast, generalized fact? Or is it.. more.. complicated? Perhaps reality is different within every individual's mind.. I've lived on two different continents in three different countries during my life, and.. I must say.. After being a part of such different cultures for extended periods of time.. I can't help but think that reality, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Well, in the mind of the beholder, to be more accurate. The more I think about it, the more I feel that the most important factor in the fabric of reality is belief. If one believes in something with enough determination and dedication, then that something becomes a reality, at least within that person's mind. They interpret what they behold in their everyday lives in accordance with their beliefs, and therefore, they convince themselves of the existence of whatever it is they believe in. In their own mind, it is a reality. Now, one can argue whether that really means that something which cannot be perceived in the same way by others really exists or not, but.. What if it isn't just one person? What if it's millions? Billions, even. If something exists within the minds of billions of individuals, is that enough belief to bring something into existence? To make it a reality? Or is it enough if it's even just a single mind? Simply because something cannot be seen, or heard, or touched, does that mean it cannot be real? I'm really beginning to sound like a fanatic here.. Let me clarify something. I used to be a very firm believer in god. My belief controlled everything in my life. My very thoughts. But that changed.. for.. many reasons. Now I'm simply contemplating the meaning of reality. Trying to figure out what makes something real. I may never find a solid answer. But.. that doesn't mean I can't try to clear things up in the twists and turns of my own mind. I am at a cross-roads at the moment. There is something which I would very much like to believe in. But.. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of believing. I have experienced the effects of believing first hand for the better part of 15 years, and I'm sorry to say that.. as much comfort and power belief can provide one with, it's still a dangerous thing. It's dangerous, because it can warp the mind of the believer. It can redefine everything they ever thought they knew. And the most terrifying thing is that.. it's the believer who's in control the whole time. And yet they allow for their mind to be rewritten, simply because they want to believe so much. They're willing something into existence with every ounce of their being, and in the end, their belief becomes the strongest thing in their lives. It can override morals, emotions, facts, everything. Because it becomes all of those things. It slowly seeds itself into every corner of the believer's mind, until, finally, it becomes the most invincible thing of all. Reality. But there's always that voice.. in the back of the believer's mind.. Doubt. Asking all of the most terrifying questions. The "What if"s. What if.. it's not real? The sheer desire for the safety that belief can provide one with suffocates this voice. Believers very simply want something to be real so bad that they leave no room for doubt. Because it would shatter the reality, and snatch away the belief. And leave them in an empty, cold, dark place, where they would wander, lost, until they find something new to believe in. If they find something new to believe in. Believing in something comes with a lot of risk. But sometimes.. if one really takes care, and controls their beliefs instead of their beliefs controlling them, it's worth it. One must be careful what they decided to bring into existence within their own mind. Everything they think, say, or do is the reflection of the reality they're living in. However, it's important to note that there is a difference between a reality which is created within the mind of the beholder, (by them believing in something), and a reality which is created by the actual happening of an event. The difference is that the happening of an event becomes a reality without the need of someone believing in it. It cannot be undone, once it happens, it's a reality. But, the reality within the believer's mind simply exists because they want it to. Because they believe in it. But that does not make it any less real. I think that's about it for now.. My mind is exhausted.. I'm gonna take break.. Let all this stuff stew in my brain for a while..