Pigiani the maffia pigeon of where i work is comming along slowly. Dont know why i started with this but felt like saying it.

But i guess what i really was writing here is just to empty out my head a little. Since there are noone in the flat, feeling rather alone and lost with everything thats going around me right now, and proberly writing this out here that noone will see but least might make me feel better or least feel like im less likely to go boom anytime soon.

So right now i feel rather lost, or well lost in this corner i'm in with everything going on. With a break up that i really wish never happened but was bound to happen, but shouldn't of happened or something like that (yeah i'm confused). And at the same time screaming for someone to talk to but really feels like no one will listen or have enough understanding to listen or even have someone to listen for me.

Tried my parents but mostly got "that's a shame" and other none commital responses along those lines, and when i try to explain just getting an "okay" or silence as a response is not really fair or what i really need.

On top of that people are seeming to make choices for me about whats going on without really talking to me or seeing what i want. I think this is where my huge dip in depression, my lack of wanting to eat or really sleeping might be mainly comming from (or the fact i broke up with an amazing person...).

And most of the time i dont know what i want to do...but you know I DO know what i want to do, im just scared to say it or...well i'm just hoping someone askes me what i think or should do instead of assuming whats right for me.

Or how do i even start to talk to someone about anything thats going on without sounding attention seeking...okay i guess this is doing that.

Sorry if you read this rant or are very confused. Just me trying to clear some space in my nogging.

The End

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