Standard Warrior Model
Slightly worn character, 500,000 unimaginative owners, seeks plot for adventure, romance and poss. discovery of lost kingdoms. Some rough edges and wear and tear (scar over left eye) but cleans up well in time for victory feast. Looks good in a breastplate and comes with own sword and horse – shovel optional.
Tried and tested with a good line in witty repartee and pithy rejoinders.
Will successfully negotiate mazes, deadly traps and scorpion pits and conquer a wide variety of monsters up to and including evil, megalomaniac necromancers through a mix of hacking and luck.
Works best with the aid of a small, select team.
Guaranteed to rise to any challenge, be it in the bedroom, boardroom or on the battlefield.
Thrilling penultimate scenes! Lost causes a speciality!
Can sustain dour gloom or irritating chirpiness as the occasion demands.
Call SCAR 5631
Adolescent depressive available for tortured angst and introspective musings. Pawn of Fate; will struggle credibly to escape the inescapable. Perfect for high drama and screaming.
Expert at narcissistic self-obsession and navel-gazing (demonic possession also available for a small fee)
Lengthy internal monologues a must! Will satisfy even the most demented readership!
Call HAMMY 8000
Are you ready Grasshopper?
Venerable sage in search of pig-ignorant apprentice to mould in own image. Comes with endless fund of axioms, proverbs, sayings and metaphors coupled with worldly-wise cynicism. Encyclopaedic knowledge of runes, sigils etc. Enjoys a good smoke and occasional tipple. Prepared to work in a cowl.
Orphans of humble station only need apply.
Travel and education combined in this not-to-be-missed package! Pit your brains against the horrors of hell!
Must be able to tote heavy bags up mountains. Own beast of burden a definite plus.
Call MYSTIC 7777