Postponement

Postponing your birthday isn't going to help, Dad.

It's not like if you wait long enough, she'll come back and watch you turn 52. I'm sorry. I wish it was.

She's gone. You should have had your birthday early, before all this, and then you could have celebrated. Now, if you do, you'll feel guilty. Don't feel guilty. You know how stubborn she was - she wouldn't have wanted you to.

That's what everyone says.

No one, it would seem, wants the world to mourn. No one wants their end to be a blight on everyone else. Everybody wants to be forgotten, instantly, before the pain hits.

She said she'd text me, Mum did. But you thought it was better if I came home and heard it from you. Is it? I'd rather have known when I could be somewhere alone, somewhere where I could compose myself before I saw anyone else.

I know, there's no shame in crying. That doesn't mean I want you to see my tears.

I will not cry. Not yet. I have done this before and I know, now, what I am doing. I can cope. Yes, I shall cry later, and you will watch me. Perhaps, as before, you will be the one to try and comfort me. I do not know. 

But for now I shall be strong, and hold my head high. That's what they would want, that's what everyone says.

Postponing your birthday is not going to help.

The End

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