My honest opinion of what`s happened in my life recently
I wish that I could close my weary eyes, and escape this never ending madness that surrounds me like some unending miasma. Like a plague, it has spread, affecting anyone who has got too close. And like many other plagues before it, it does not choose who is affected. In fact, the opposite is true. This plague of madness and anger and desperation has chosen the remnants of friendships and groups long dead to try and finally make me completely alone in this wide world.
Eventually it will die away, like every plague before it. But not without it doing as much damage as it can possibly do. Not without it fighting back and having one last fatal stab before it is finally outdone by it`s own greed. In that respects however, it has already succeeded. For instead of rotting away my body to it`s bones, it has instead rotted the one thing that I had kept protected for so long, it has rotted my soul.
And like all other plagues, it has originated from one source, a source which I myself have only just realized. A source that proclaims their love for me, but in the same breath demands that I change for this love. A source that wishes to rot and destroy what`s left of my soul and change it into their version of perfection. A vision that is not comparable with my own.
I have tried, like the great doctors of medicine from days gone by, to fight this plague, this vision that is being forced upon me. I have tried to stand, like a beacon against the constant darkness that has been assailing me for these past few months. But unlike the doctor`s of the past, instead of being marveled and hailed as a hero, I am cast down and punished for wanting to live a life that is not in fear of the madness. A life where I am loved. Not for what people want me to be, but for what I actually am.
And even though, this plague of madness and greed may drive me past breaking point and cause me to accept the inevitable, I will always remember one quote.
"Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."