Scene 34

ELLIE’S HOUSE – INTERIOR – KITCHEN 

[ELLIE is holding two mugs of tea. She hands one to the YOUNG GUY who has come back to her house] 

ELLIE

Here. And thanks for helping me and that.

YOUNG GUY

It’s okay, don’t worry about it.

ELLIE

I’m Ellie, by the way. And your name is--?

YOUNG GUY

Zaphod Beeblebrox

ELLIE

Are you serious? You can’t be. There’s no way that’s your name.

YOUNG GUY

No. I’m just kidding you around. Still, I wish it was.

ELLIE

You wouldn’t really, though. I mean, imagine going through school with that name! How rubbish would that be?

YOUNG GUY

True. You might have a point there…

ELLIE

You’d get bullied so much. Especially by people who knew who he was.

YOUNG GUY

Not sure about that. I mean, they might think it was cool.

ELLIE

They wouldn’t. They’d be like, “Oh, where’s your other arm? Did you forget your other head today, or is it in the wash? That sort of thing.

YOUNG GUY

True. You’re right, I admit defeat. 

ELLIE

So what is your name?

YOUNG GUY

Do I have to tell you? I like being anonymous, and anyway, it’s a stupid name. I don’t like it. It’s all right for you, you’ve got a normal name. Ellie. No one looks at you like you’re a freak when you tell them that that’s your name, do they? It’s not like being called…

ELLIE

Being called what? What is your name? I won’t laugh, I promise.

YOUNG GUY

You will.

ELLIE

No, I won’t. And if it’s really stupid I just won’t use it. I’ll just carry on calling you, oh, I don’t know…Young Guy or something.

YOUNG GUY

Fair enough. All right, my name’s Shed. Shed Smith.

[despite her promise, ELLIE snorts with laughter] 

ELLIE

I’m so sorry! But seriously, your name’s Shed?

YOUNG GUY

Yes. My parents liked gardening and that’s where I was born, so they decided to call me Shed.

ELLIE

You were born in a shed? Isn’t that a little—oh, I’m just not gonna go there. Okay. So you were born in a shed. I’m going to act like this conversation never happened and your parents just had a cruel sense of humour because I’ve had a very weird day and I really want to get back to normal.

YOUNG GUY

Fair enough…You seem stressed. What’s up?

ELLIE

I just wish I could remember why I needed to go and see my friend! She’d know what’s happened to me, probably. She’s very clever, Kate is.

YOUNG GUY

Do you spend a lot of your time with her? Have you been hanging out with her these last few weeks?

ELLIE

I guess so. But I’ve already said, I don’t remember anything about these last weeks! I don’t know what we were doing or anything!

[YOUNG GUY sighs patiently. He knows what he’s talking about] 

YOUNG GUY

She’ll be able to help you. Fill in the gaps, that sort of thing.

ELLIE

I suppose that’s true. You’re right. Okay, thanks. Shed.

YOUNG GUY

I think perhaps ‘young guy’ was better. And probably more flattering.

ELLIE

How old are you, now we’re on the subject?

YOUNG GUY

Sixteen.

ELLIE

Same age as me…

[pause]

Anyway, let’s go. I need to talk to Kate. Perhaps you can explain to her about the asteroid, as I don’t really remember it.

YOUNG GUY

Yeah, okay. If you introduce me first. Remember, we’ve never met.

ELLIE

Yeah, whatever. Kate’s not scary, honest…

[BLACKOUT]

The End

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