Scene 25

KATE’S HOUSE - INTERIOR - KITCHEN 

[KATE is drinking hot chocolate (again) on her own. She looks miserable. After a while she picks up a book and starts to read] 

[doorbell rings] 

KATE

All right, I’m just coming!

[KATE puts down the book and gets up, walks over to a door in the scenery and opens it. ELLIE is standing there.] 

ELLIE

I’m so sorry, Kate, I really am!

KATE

What?

ELLIE

For what I said. I didn’t mean it, honest! I don’t hate you! But I expect you hate me now, don’t you? I’m so sorry!

KATE

I don’t hate you! Whatever made you think that?

ELLIE

I’d hate me if I was you. Seriously, though. I’ve been really irritating recently, haven’t I? And the elf thing - that was pathetic. I’ve looked them up and they’re so obviously not the bad guys, I don’t know what I was thinking.

[AUTHOR enters through closed door] 

AUTHOR

Whew! I was afraid that you’d be out and I’d have come all the way over here for nothing!

ELLIE

It’s only three streets…

KATE

How did you get in? That door was closed - and I’m the only person with a key!

[AUTHOR holds up a small silver key] 

AUTHOR

One of these, you mean?

KATE

Now hang on a minute - where did you get that from? Where did you find that key? You can’t just go stealing keys to people’s houses! It’s against the law!

[AUTHOR remains completely calm] 

AUTHOR

Why, would you prefer it if I broke in? Don’t be so angry all the time, young Kate. I just wrote myself a key. It’s not that hard, you know, when the house belongs to people you created. I just fabricated a scene where you gave me the spare key and the rest, as they say, was history.

ELLIE

Well, I don’t know about you, but that seems to me-

KATE

-like a very dodgy way of doing things! Exactly! I don’t know what you think about this, Ellie, but in my opinion it doesn’t seem entirely legal. I think that our Author has been breaking the law.

AUTHOR

Look, I came here to tell you that I’ve written the book into the story, and everything - as far as I know - is okay. It should be failsafe, but obviously it’s not. Things never are.

ELLIE

Oh, well, that’s good then. No need to worry about any avenging elves, do we? After all, they’re nice and peaceful and everything Kate told me was right.

KATE

I don’t believe you sometimes. You go on for ages about how I’m always wrong, then you tell me what I said was right because you’re trying to prevent me from noticing how you just completely ignored the crime that our Author committed!

AUTHOR

Now hang on a minute…

KATE

Didn’t it occur to you, Author, that you could have knocked? You could have rung the doorbell? But no. You have to show off your control over this world by writing yourself a key.

AUTHOR

It’s not like that….

ELLIE

Actually, Kate’s right. Much as it pains me to admit it, I have to say that she’s right. Writing yourself a key was completely pointless.

AUTHOR

No, no, you don’t understand. You haven’t let me tell my side of the story yet…

KATE

What is there to tell? The way I see it, you’re just using this as a way to lord over us the fact that you can control our world. Well, breaking news: I’ve written a novel too! There - I’ve said it. I’ve never told anyone that before but it’s true.

AUTHOR

Ugg…

KATE

And I’m just about fed up of you! You’re a deceitful manipulator, that’s what you are.

[KATE storms out angrily. After a moment’s hesitation, ELLIE follows her too, though not with quite so much vigour. AUTHOR stares after them] 

AUTHOR

I -

[BLACKOUT]

The End

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