Scene 16

 

ELF1

Hey, hey, hey watch where you’re going,  geniuses, you’re going to step on me!

[KATE and ELLIE look around curiously in disbelief]

KATE and ELLIE

What? 

[KATE and ELLIE turn back to face each other] 

ELF1

Would you mind?


[KATE looks around but completely fails to see the elf, who is camouflaging to the scenery]

ELF1

I’m here, idiots. 

[the ELF steps forward and a spotlight shines on him] 

ELLIE

Wow, you’re … camouflaged. And really tall …

[ELLIE looks up at the ELF towering over her]

What a strange creature…are you real? 

ELF1

By golly…of course I’m real, what do you think I am? A moving sculpture? 

[ELLIE scratches her head, confused]

ELLIE

But, sculptures don’t move – do they?

[the ELF smacks his forehead with his hand and stares at ELLIE as if to work out if she’s silly in the head] 

KATE

Of course not! It’s an elf, for goodness sake! You know, Legolas and that lot? Don’t you remember? The elves from Lord of the rings!

ELF1

Lord of the rings – how did you know about that? You must be here to speak to one of the Questers. I’m not sure that’s allowed, though… I’ll have to inform the others about this. You could be here for the book. Or worse, you could be Dark creatures who survived the Fall… 

ELLIE

[shouts] We’re not here to steal it! 

[KATE looks at ELLIE like she’s mad] 

KATE

Of course we’re not. It was destroyed. Honestly, don’t you know anything? [to the ELF] No, we’re just trying to find a way out of here! 

[the ELF stares at them in disbelief, trying to work out how they knew so much] 

ELF1

I don’t believe you – you mentioned the ring, you know what it is, you know it was destroyed … so you must have something to do with it. 

[KATE and ELLIE start to look helpless] 

KATE and ELLIE

No, you have misunderstood, really – you see … 

[The ELF calls out in a weird language, and moments later many ELVES arrive. They have been hiding in the trees and now come out, showing how camouflaged they were before.] 

ELLIE

Oh boy, Kate…do something! 

KATE

Like what? How am I supposed to know what to do?

ELLIE

I don’t know. Won’t they magic us away or something, unless we get out of here quick?

KATE

Don’t be stupid. The elves were good and kind and wise… I think.

ELLIE

Were. Past tense. How do you know they haven’t changed?

 

KATE

I don’t know! Everything’s different now. I thought they were supposed to all be in the Grey Havens but here they are … what do we do?

ELLIE

You’re asking me? Man, you must be stuck for ideas …

[KATE is panicking. As she speaks, her voice gets more and more high pitched and she starts to wave her arms around]

KATE

Stuck for ideas? Yes, I’m jolly well stuck for ideas! We’re going to die – we’re never going to get back to our own world, and I’m stuck with you for the rest of my … existence!

ELF 1

There is a problem?

KATE

I think you could say there’s a problem. I think you could say we’re in the biggest mess I’ve ever been in and I haven’t a clue how to deal with it.

[KATE starts shouting]

We come from a different world, you’re all just characters in a story and I don’t know how to get back to my own play! My Author is probably going spare, she’s going to lost Script Frenzy because of us walking out on her, and I don’t know what to do about it!

ELF1

Has it occurred to you that your Author may decide to write you back out of this story?

KATE

Well, yes … but she won’t do it yet. She thinks we still need to persuade you guys that you actually are characters, but the hobbits already knew!

[the ELF nods his head, looking wise. Behind him, the other ELVES do the same]

ELF1

We knew of this, too. They have told us their suspicions and we helped them with their research.

KATE

So you see, it’s all going wrong!

[an idea occurs to ELLIE] 

ELLIE

Does that mean you’re not going to kill us?

ELF1

Kill you? Why on Middle Earth would we want to kill you? No, don’t worry, little human. We’re going to help you. We know how to get you home – everything is going to be okay.

KATE

That’s what they all say.

ELF1

Honestly, you can trust an Elf on his word. We will help you, now that we’ve said we will.

[the ELVES murmur their agreement]

Everything is going to be perfectly fine.

The End

4 comments about this work Feed