Scene 15

OPEN SPACE - EXTERIOR - NEAR SOME GRASS AND TREES

 

[ELLIE looks at KATE, who looks at ELLIE and then at the trees]

 

KATE

Did she say which story she’d written us in to?

 

ELLIE

That’s a good point actually. She didn’t. We could be anywhere!

 

KATE

I just hope it wasn’t Frankenstein, or we’re dead …

 

ELLIE

No, I don’t think so. Look! [points]

 

[spotlight swings round to show the part of the stage that all this time has been dark and shadowy … 3 figures dressed as hobbits are visible]

 

KATE

Thank goodness, it’s Lord of the Rings! We’re safe!

 

ELLIE

Don’t forget the orcs, Kate …

 

KATE

It’s fine, they’re fine. Come on, let’s go say hello….

 

[KATE and ELLIE approach the HOBBITS curiously]

 

HOBBIT 1

Who are you, and what are you doing here? You’re not hobbits…

 

HOBBIT 2

You’re not black riders, are you? Only Sam was telling me about them …

 

KATE

You know Sam? [excited] This is so cool!

 

HOBBIT 2

He’s my dad - of course I know him.

 

KATE

Ellie, did you hear that? That is SO cool. Wow!!!

HOBBIT 1

So, who are you? And what do you know about Sam?

 

ELLIE

I’m Ellie. This is Kate. Actually, this is going to sound completely crazy, and I don’t really know how to explain it, but ...

 

HOBBIT 3

They’re characters from another story and they’ve come to warn us about the Author.

 

KATE

How - how did you know that?

 

HOBBIT 3

One of the elves told me this would happen. Anyway, don’t worry. We already know. But it’s fine, because our Author is dead. The series is finished and we’re free to go our own way. We all noticed, you know, when the book ended. It was suddenly a lot more peaceful round here.

 

HOBBIT 1

This seemed fishy, so we investigated. And we found out that we’re nothing but characters.

 

HOBBIT 2

Merry wasn’t pleased. All that, just because some Author took it into his head to make us suffer!

 

ELLIE

I don’t think Author planned this bit to happen, Kate. I think she rather thought we’d have to explain …

 

KATE

I know. Which would imply that she’s not in control of this scene - it’s not her book. And if their Author is dead, who’s in control?

 

ELLIE

No one? Or maybe that Mega-Author we were talking about earlier? It’s possible…

 

HOBBIT 1

If you don’t mind, we’ve got to go. See you around…

 

KATE

[vaguely] Yeah, okay. [to ELLIE] I’ve just thought of something. How do we get back?


SCENE 16

 

ELLIE
[looks at Kate disastrously]

So, you’re telling me that our author…whatever her name is- 

KATE

Does she have a name?

ELLIE

I don’t know! Anyway, she’s written us into some story.   

KATE

…Lord of the Rings 

ELLIE

And we don’t know how to get back to tell her things we’ve just found out.  

KATE

[smiling a devilish smile]

…That the Hobbits have realized they are nothing but characters. 

[ELLIE grits her teeth and raises her arm up to KATE’s face as though to hit her for being irritating, but then puts it down again, thinking better of it.] 

ELLIE

Urgh, you little scoundrel. 

[KATE just shrugs] 

KATE

That’s me.

[They both look at each other]

So, what are we going to do now? 

ELLIE

[raises eyebrow]

I don’t know- besides, you’re meant to be the one in charge of me.

[KATE turns around in shock, staring at ELLIE] 

KATE

What?! Oh, so now you’re saying that I control you? 

[ELLIE stands up so that they are on an equal footing. She faces KATE, looking angry.]

ELLIE

Yeah, you always do, don’t you - ever since we were little, treating me like your younger sister or something, bossing me around like that. 

KATE

No one say you had to do what I told you to do. Besides, you were a little pushover. So shy and gentle, never made up your own mind about anything. I had to make some decisions or you’d drive everyone mad with your ‘I don’t know’ and ‘I’m not sure’. Anyone could have done everything for you. You were a pushover. It was pathetic. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

ELLIE

Oh, so now you’re saying that I’m a pushover, are you? You’re saying that I was pathetic?

[KATE crosses her arms, looking determined.]


KATE

Yeah, so what are you going to do about it princess?

ELLIE

Anyone would think we were sisters, you know. The way we argue, and the way you boss me around!!!!

KATE

Right - that is it ….!!!

ELLIE

Bring it on!

[KATE stands up close to ELLIE and they breath fiercely at each other. The spotlights turn slightly red to show their anger.]

 

[long pause. Dramatic music] 

[BLACKOUT]

The End

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