Scene 8 (Rather long...)

A GARDEN – EXTERIOR – TWENTY MINUTES LATER

KATE

Go! 

[ELLIE runs forward and pours water down the neck of AUTHOR sitting at the front of the stage. AUTHOR is writing frantically in a notebook. Audiences can see that it appears to be a script of some kind.] 

AUTHOR

What did you do that for? You’ve made my latest script all wet, look! And I have to submit this to Script Frenzy in less than two weeks, for goodness sake. 

[AUTHOR suddenly looks more carefully at ELLIE] 

AUTHOR

Hang on a second, don’t I-

ELLIE

…know me from somewhere? Yes, you do. I’m Ellie. 

AUTHOR

Ellie? But you’re my … my character. You expect me to believe that my characters are wandering around like real people? That’s absurd! 

ELLIE

Uh, no it’s not. I didn’t just come from nowhere, you know… 

AUTHOR

Oh, well, I always said that my characters were realistic …

ELLIE

Huh, fat chance. Don’t be so egotistical. You think it’s because of you that I’m here? No way! You suck at writing scripts.

AUTHOR

Oi, hang on a second…

[AUTHOR freezes.]

I didn’t write this bit, did I? 

[KATE walks forward]

KATE

No, you didn’t. But it’s happening. Isn’t that a sign of how boring the play was set to be? 

AUTHOR

What do you mean? Why does that mean it was boring? I object to that comment…

[AUTHOR folds her arms, throwing the notebook down onto the stage. She is determined to sulk.

KATE

Think about it. If even your characters – the people that are supposed to exist only to make your story live – are finding it boring enough that they escape and decide to rewrite the story, isn’t that a sign of just how rubbish it was? 

ELLIE

We were fed up of the non-existent plot and rubbish characters. It was time for some real action.

[AUTHOR frowns]

AUTHOR

All right, sell it to me. Why should I give you free reign? 

KATE

Because you’re running out of ideas! You don’t know what’s supposed to happen in this script or why you signed up for the Frenzy in the first place, seeing as you’re ten days late. You’re also not sure why you started off as a romance when you’ve never written one before.

AUTHOR

True, true…

ELLIE

What’s more, you’re hoping that from somewhere will come a wonderful plot, like the one you came up with during NaNoWriMo, another pointless challenge. I mean, come on, why do you always start these things late?

AUTHOR

How do you know about that? 

KATE

I’m a genius. 

AUTHOR

All right, you’ve got me. Everything you’ve said is true. But what am I supposed to do about it? I can’t make a play without help – and I can hardly be ruled by my characters. It’s a ridiculous idea. 

ELLIE

Why? It happens to all authors. They find their characters spinning out of control, doing things they didn’t expect … and then they get published and end up rich and famous. I mean, win-win situation really. Why don’t you cut your losses and just let us take the lead from the start?

KATE

We wouldn’t mess it up, honest. This is our story. We don’t want a load of junk: we want something decent. Not like that stupid romance at the beginning. I mean, how stupid was that? 

ELLIE

Right. To think I was only upset because you wrote that I was! 

AUTHOR

I’m still not sure about this. Would it be okay?

KATE

Duh. Why not? 

AUTHOR

Well, it seems like cheating to me. I mean, Script Frenzy is supposed to be your own work. 

ELLIE

You can have a writing partner. 

AUTHOR

True, true. All right, you two. I’ll do you a deal. You decide what happens and help me write it, but in return you don’t bother me again. And no more cold water down the neck, you got that?  

KATE

Right. 

[ELLIE and KATE skip off before AUTHOR can change her mind. They exit via SL, with ELLIE throwing the last of the water at KATE, who squeals and slaps her. AUTHOR sees this and makes a ‘cuckoo!’ motion with her hand. AUTHOR picks up her notepad. She looks at the audience.]

AUTHOR

I must be mad.

Completely and utterly mad. What have I done, putting them in charge of the plot? It’ll all be ridiculous.

[pause]

Still, I’ve no better ideas. I suppose I just have to trust them. I should have known this would happen when I tried to write a romance. Honestly! Me, write a romance? What a ridiculous idea!

[AUTHOR exits the stage, shaking her head.]

[BLACKOUT]

The End

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