I can't help but wonder if it was about me. If it was, do I want to know? If I know, will I feel like I need to make up my mind? Be more straight forward? I'm not ready to face that decision. I know it could be seen as callous, that I'm only proving your brother's opinion of me, but I don't know if I can take the responsibility.

There's a certain rule that society seems to hold to. If you know you're breaking a girl's heart and do it anyway, you're not worth much. If you do it by accident it can be seen as forgiveable. Will I be forgiven? It's not that I don't like you. It's more a matter of being responsible for your heart as well as my own. I don't know if I'm ready for that. It's easier to let it shatter and pretend not to care than to juggle it and keep it safe.

If I break your heart, is there anyway to fix it afterwards? If your brother was right and I am the one that page was about will you be okay with my efforts or will you want something perfect, something you can be proud of, a prince charming? Because that's not me. I don't have the skill set to look after someone like you. Someone sweeter than me, more fragile than me. I'm fragile enough myself, I just don't usually admit it.

That kiss, I'm not sure if it was an apology or a reassurance. Sometimes I just want to dig that book up from under the barbeque and read it cover to cover and sometimes I'm too afraid of what it might hold. Is there someone else? I don't want you thinking of other guys. But if you think of me... I'm not responsible enough, don't have the work ethic. You're bound for pain anyway... right?

The End

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