out in the open

a new documentation of my life as it happens...

I’m addicted to epiphanies. 

Some people have a weakness for drugs or for sex; I have an Achille’s heel for epiphanies. As I was growing up I found very little use for them; I spent a lot of my time doing what I wanted when I wanted and showed no real interest in changing. The last ten years have been… different. 

I assume that it has something to do with the defining years of your life. Some people are eager to make an impression, some are eager to learn, some are eager to party. I like to think of myself as a learner. I can only assume that this is where my fondness for life-changing thought processes has come around. 

The thing is, I can’t even seem to wait around until my birthday or for New Years to turn over a new leaf and change how I behave and think. It has become more frequent than that. This dire need for a new mind boggling clarity has manifested in burnt bridges, changes of attitude and binge habits here, there and everywhere. It’s like my split personality has a split personality.

I’ll get to the point. I want this to be the epiphany of all epiphanies. I want this to be the singular, most important, face-of-my-earth-altering epiphany I ever have. I need to stop. I need to pick a lifestyle, a life-plan, a life-partner and stick with it… them. 

So here is my revelation, my last turned leaf, my final epiphany. 

I am renouncing my career as an actor. 

At some point I lost the passion for it, through whatever journey I took, I lost that little flame that begged me to become a huge Hollywood star. That doesn’t interest me now. I still have a creative passion and I will undoubtedly do some acting here and there, but I won’t be part of the chase. 

This allows me to devote more time to other passions, such as my writing, my relationships and my health, which has managed to deteriorate once more. It is with that huge personal revelation that I can also announce I’ve been a month dry of alcohol – a huge accomplishment for me (and I hope you can all be supportive of this). 

I can only hope that this is the last of my petty epiphanies, and that any future epiphanies that I have are fully enlightened concepts that will only strengthen my new path, rather than alter it completely. 

The End

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