I was sitting between my papers and physics books, writing the formula over and over again trying to understand it, but my mind wasn't here. I was waiting for my phone to ring, and the tear was in the corner of my eye ready to fall in the right time. I knew well that something was wrong. "Brain, tumor, remember and recheck." I can't forget those words though I'm unable to summon their order. I didn't comprehend then how could he take it so coldly. He made it clear to me that death shouldn't be feared because it's just the last phase of our life.
He will remain a "he" for I hate to use his name in an uncertain issue. After I read the text message which I insisted for-how I wish I didn't- I felt a pause in the world's rotation. Something was ripped from me, and the tear leaked from my eye onto my cheek. I rewrote the equation which only seemed to me ink on paper, and then my sight wondered outside the window, but looking at nothing.
I managed to reply back. However the messages that came next didn't make me feel any better. I couldn't bear the thought, that he might have brain cancer- even if the results weren't done yet- and I knew that I can't afford losing a close person that soon. The air of the room seemed thicker and colder by every sarcastic message I received from him. "Why do you want to forbid me from my rest?' Tears hailed on my cheeks as I was pretending to study, but failing.
He was trying to ensure me. "Everything would be fine. The doctors said so. They just want to make sure." But I couldn't believe. I wanted to see the results in my own eyes to be sure, and all I have to do is to wait. And I'm still waiting…
Even though I'm still ignorant of the results, this guy's reaction about his problem taught me to accept the idea or fate of death. I always believed that fate can be changed, but the road of death is inevitable. It is always taken in a way or another. Death is the last surprise that happens in our lives whether at age of eighty or twenty one, so we should learn to accept the idea of it instead of panicking at the thought of it. We shouldn't be afraid of death rather of being afraid of the unlived life.