I’m breaking away from the poetry, from the novels, hell, even this autobiography, to give you a piece of my heart here on the page. Sure, I could give you an amusing story about can openers, and stupid little things that tend to happen in my life, but I’m not feeling it today. Instead, you’re getting this. And gee I said it was going to be fun. Fuck! Okay here goes nothing. (Authors Note: This is going to be the longest chapter in the autobiography yet, and stories I touch upon here are going to be told in more detail later.)
I hate people in general. I hate every single person I tend to come across in real life. Thus I am relegated to shadows because I can’t handle my emotions.
It’s not that I can’t get along with people who dislike me, it’s that I refuse to let them control me, and manipulate me into doing something I cannot morally do. I fear that my inner self, the real me, is fully awakened here. Now, before you read on and call me an egoistical asshole, hear me out.
I had a giant birthday party on the 16th of August, of which Gideon, after telling me he was coming, decided to sleep in and completely avoid me all day. No texts, no calls, no e-mails, just silence. So I got shitfaced, drunk about 7 bottles of beer, and at one point couldn’t communicate past “DIS BEAR TESTS LIKE APPAW PISS!”
Get me drunk, I dare you. You might enjoy the comedy that comes out.
So my party was Tex, Simone, and my brother and his girlfriend and his friends. Tex decided to call all of them assholes the moment they went inside. My birthday was fun, but uneventful.
Oh, and the girl that resembled my best friend’s sister is dating Julian, so, meh. The autobiography is no longer addressed to her. (say it with feeling and arrogance, ready 1, 2, 3 “HAR!”)
Isn’t following my mind exciting, cool and fun! If only I could sell the thoughts I think up. Like, does the queen chop off any limbs when she knights somebody?
“OH SORRY DEARIE I CHOPPED OFF YA ARMS!”
Now onto a happier and more serious note:
A ton of writers on this site are awesome and can be counted on as friends of mine. I do love all my fans. Without you guys I wouldn’t be here. I’d probably be struggling through my life right now more than I am. That said I feel like I need to thank certain people in particular. Yes I know, this is my autobiography, but I feel as though I need to include you guys (in no particular order). And yes, you all inspire me!
TheFutureisBright – A giant muse to my writing. A lot of the things I’ve written have been responses to your writing in particular. So I want to thank you for helping me through a lot. And yes, Batman is going to be sued by Iron Man for copyright infringement one day in my works.
Sevenwaystosunday – Gee you have ended up talking to me way more than I expected. The fact is, you’re a great poet, sometimes you can bring poems out that are greater than my own. Thanks for always talking to me.
Emmaroze – You, my friend, have helped me through a lot even if you don’t know it. You are a wonderful poet, a great listener and an even greater friend.
Bladen – If ever there was a writer who captured my imagination, you would be it. Everything you have written is just incredible. Keep up the great work, because you’re one of the reasons I keep writing.
Lunaris – Your stuff is amazing but beyond that, a lot of the convos we have seem to revolve around general issues in life. In a way, It’s needed as a stress relief so I wanted to thank you for that.
Julianne227 – Our conversations are always interesting and your work is damn good. Proud to be your friend and hope to get to know you more.
CassandraMarrow – Gee where do I begin? If there ever was a writer who helped me with their works when I really needed guidance spiritually, believe it or not, it would be you. I had just left my church, when I saw your autobiography “The Eating Disorder I Didn’t Have”. Your struggle with your sister and how you got out of the darkness inspired me beyond what I can tell you. Your works always seem to speak to me especially when I need help. It’s truly bizarre how one minute I’ll be asking God for guidance and then I stumble on your work and it just really hits home. After reading Tainted Saint, I recalled a dream I had, which I think really pins down why I chose a boring career but first
My Boring Career Part 1: Hippie Madness 101
I am studying to be a paralegal. Aka, (and I might have to say this for legal reasons) I am not an attorney. I can’t give you advice on the law, and I can’t do anything a lawyer can do.
“I’m not a lawyer, I’M A FREEMANNNN”
Sounds like a great drunk Iron Maiden song to the tune of “The Prisoner” doesn’t it?
So why, oh why, do I want to be a paralegal when I can’t legally give you advice on the law?
I could technically go anywhere I wanted with this job. Yes it’s boring as hell, and no, I don’t really have a passion for law. Here’s my story.
I went to a prestigious New York College in the SUNY system. This college is known everywhere. The problem is, the teaching sucked and I was in it for an English Degree. How did this occur?
I was at a community college for three years studying liberal arts. For those of you who don’t know what the liberal arts program is, it’s a program that basically replaces English, and studies the “humanities”. Think public speaking, poetry, blah blah blah. The sort of hippie madness classes that you’d expect. They weren’t fun and I still had to take a science course, and math. After taking four years in a two year college, I was burned out. By 2009, I had no idea what I wanted to take, and it was getting down to the wire.
“So what would you like to take?” the councilor asks
“I have no idea.”
“Well we can’t do anything if you don’t have an idea, sorry.”
So, I needed to think. Where did I go? The bathroom! I don’t know why I went to the bathroom to think, but I did. A voice in my head said to do English. I hate English. I love writing novels, but I hate the good old boy mentality. I didn’t want to be a teacher, but I didn’t want to spend tons of money on a four year degree that I didn’t want.
So I went to a higher college on a degree I despised…