28/11/11 - I do like embarrassment..Mature

Okay, so I'm lying a bit there..
I hugged him and he reacted how I sort of anticipated.. because I expected him to be awkward and I expected him not to hug back really but.. I hugged him. I got to be that close to him for once and it was.. perfect isn't the right word because perfect would have been him hugging me back and kissing my head and playing with my hair.. no, it wasn't perfect but it was something.

And something is a lot better than nothing.

I hugged him! I.. I can't get over that.. I've had my body pressed up against his in his doorway!
My gosh.. I don't think I'll ever tell my mum that..
that'd be awkward..

"Hey mum, just to let you know, the other day I went to a friend's house? That was Cake's."
~Awkward face in response~

Yeah.. anyway.
So.. I'm in love with him.
I've said this a few times... but.. ah.
He makes me so happy.
Genuinely happy.

I don't want to ever be away from him.. I never want to lose him. I never want to lose this, this beautiful magical world we have..

And I met his dad!!!!!!
I was really scared about that.. I barely said anything to him.. I'm really afraid of parents..

That's Zoe's fault..


He's so perfect.
Shit. He's so perfect.
I'm scared of breaking him.

He is something I can't get bored of..
I'm scared he'll get bored of me.. I'm actually more worried that he will get bored than I am about myself getting bored..
Because I know my track record better than anyone else, I know the way I have treated people.
I know I have cheated, crushed, killed guys with my actions but.. he's different.
It isn't like it was with Matt..

I seeked him out. I wanted him to love me and I have done since the start of the year (if not a long time before) because he intrigued me and I wanted to be close to him, I wanted him to be part of my life and now he is and I'm afraid of losing him, of losing this beautiful part of my life.
He is the only part of my life which I feel I can look at and just see everything being okay.. as though if I am with him then everything will just fall into place..

Except for the fact that by getting close to him I spent yesterday crying instead of doing homework and a variety of other days talking on msn/thinking about him/daydreaming about him instead of doing vital homework which generally is not good for the rest of my life..

But.. I almost do not care..
He makes me want to be a better person and he makes me want to get good grades and do well in love and become some day as perfect as he but.. now..
Now he just makes me want to be closer to him, to spend every second of my precious time in his virtual or real grasp.

He isn't so different anymore. Since today I've seen himself in him.. that awkward stammering blushing charmer on msn was in my reality today and it was amazing..
We spent an hour just.. standing.. talking..
About nothing. And that's just it, it didn't matter what we were talking about because it was him.. it was us.. I was there with him and it wasn't important what we were doing or saying because we were there together.. nothing else matters..

Fuck, that's cliché.

Oh, I went to his house because he stayed for too long for no reason so /sidenote, this person is actually called Matt - the last one wasn't\ Matt and I missed the five'O'clock bus and therefore thought we would wander back to Cake's and I got to see skyrim in action (xD) [played by Matt who really was not very good... then again there are too many buttons in Skyrim, I reckon I would be a bit retarded too] and I got to watch some 'pros' play COD against each other~~ it was awfully close [Cake won of course ;)]
I went into his house.

I. Went. Into. A. Boys. House.

Oh my goodness.

His dad was really nice and stayed out of our way for no reason.. I felt bad about that..
He seemed lovely..

And.. it was when I was walking away that I turned around, flitted back to his door and hugged him - to his complete and utter surprise :D

It was brilliant.

I loved it.
And he said he felt happier afterwards! <3

Oh this boy..
He does drive me crazy...

The End

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