A Little Later - 21/11/2011Mature

Aha. There's something to talk about... Cake. Obviously.

He isn't the same on msn..
Or.. he isn't the same in person..
I don't know which one is him...
I think.. I think it is the one on msn.. because he talks like that almost sometimes and when he wrote in his book he wrote like that..

So.. in person.. he isn't the same..

I don't know what to make of that..

I look up to him so much.

Okay.. hang on..

My views:
In person~
He is taller than me
He is better than me~at everything
He is more clever than me
I want to be like him
I want him to think I'm good enough (for what? I don't know.)
I don't think he does think I'm good enough
I find it harder to talk to him because of above two
He is.. sort of.. less attractive..
I feel more awkward around him
I feel less awkward around him (different ways)
We can talk about anything..
I am afraid to scare him off
I can't get close to him

Virtually~
Height does not exist
He is better than me~at gaming
He is more clever than me but it is less intimidating
I want to be WITH him
I want him to want to be with me
I feel like he does want to be with me..
I find it easier to talk to him because of above
He is incredibly attractive
I feel less awkward around him
I feel more awkward around him
We can talk about US
I can get close to him
I can 'love' him

I am 'in love' with a boy who does not.. truly exist..

Ah, earlier he told me that his mum wants him to get a girlfriend..
I think I want him to, too...

But he isn't the same person (even though he is)..
There are little.. sparks.. of 'himself'..
Little comments he makes.. and in that moment I feel like.. I'm something to him.. but.. then it's gone..
He is so much better than me..
But when he's on msn.. he isn't.. not so much...
I want the boy on msn.. the charming boy on msn..

And.. I want to be able to hug him..
I think.. perhaps.. that is the worst part of his real self.. I am afraid to get close to him.. And all I want is to be able to hug him...
~and bury my face in his neck~

The End

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