Old-ish SoCsMature

Just going to embarrass myself here..

21/11/2011

I am eating chocolate at the moment because there is chocolate downstairs and because I was hoping it would settle my stomach.. The nerves that is.
I can't think straight because I'm worried.. no.. I'm nervous. About seeing him tomorrow. Oh, how embarrassing if he happens to stumble across this >.>

And that poem! Every ounce of it was true to the bone.. because that was out entire conversation.. and I haven't giggled and blushed and made bizarre noises and.. well.. smiled that much in.. well it feels like it's been two years.

Two years since I've known someone like him ~And if I wasn't so wary of people reading this then I would put what kind of person that is.. though it might all be obvious tomorrow.. or it might not.. I don't know..

At any rate, I've missed it. I've missed talking to people on msn.. ah.. no. I've missed talking to a certain person on msn but not him any more because I know him now and I don't want him back in any way.

Back. Like I had him before... : /

But this all makes it seem like that is why I enjoyed our conversations.. which it isn't.. at all..

Your heart skipped a beat? Try having mine..
I nearly put "*blush*" after that..
~The effect you're having on me~

I'm writing all this because I want to get it all out of my system.. I don't have the time for butterflies and lumps in my throat.. and your stammer has put itself in my mind.. I even started to vaguely stammer towards the end of our conversation...

I really didn't want you to go. How stupid is that? ~Ah, I feel like I'm putting my life on the line here..
Every time I said something.. like that.. -I'm the only one who needs to know what I'm talking about- my heart lurched.. I was actually scared of your response.. I'm scared that you're going to.. turn round and just.. not be the same..

Which is silly I guess.. you were saying those things too.. you were the one who said about your heart.. you blushed for the entire conversation!
But.. I act like I know you but do I really?
You could be thinking anything.. I can anticipate your responses but of what importance is that? I know your responses and I know how you say things.. I'm learning about the world you live in, so different to my own and yet.. not.. I know the words you use and I pretty much know when you use them but..

I don't know you..

I do.. but..

I don't know why you do things, say things.. I don't know what you're feeling when you talk.. but then.. when does anybody talk to someone and know how the other person is feeling?

I want it to be real.. I want you to be that! I want to keep you ^.^
And I love that you were the one to say that...

"The best conversation I've had in a while"
A long while.

I don't believe in fate or destiny or love or any of that..
I just wanted to make that clear..

-Sigh- this stream did not help an awful lot.. the butterflies just came back, there's a lump in my throat and breathing is getting increasingly more difficult...

Oh well...

"i-i'll see you tomorrow~
man that'll be fun~"

The End

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