it's just a personal rant-like, I am hating what my life's become lately.......
Have you ever wondered when you became the person you never thought you'd ever see looking back in the reflection? I found her recently, and currently like to yell at her in the mirror. Which may be unwise since the only mirror I have is in the bathroom that I share with other people. No, I don't have a mirror in my bedroom, and I don't do compacts either. I have a pretty good idea what I look like.
It started early, my original reason I didn't have a mirror. It was because I couldn't bare to see the girl that people were constantly telling me was ugly or too different to want to be around. I was ashamed of my face, of the girl looking back at me. Eventually I saw myself and I saw something I realized that I liked. It was me, and I was fierce. She could fight, and she could ride a motorcycle. She enjoyed everything about herself, and so the legacy of not owning a mirror continued, except it wasn't for shame but for pride. I knew what I looked like and I was plenty satisfied with her.
Now I see a haggard face, and I'm not sure where it came from. I use make up and I can't even stand to look in the mirror while I'm brushing my teeth. Who am I now? I know deep down that I am still the same strong woman that I was created to be; yes, I was meld into this ferocious female by all the situations and people that have passed though the years. The real irony is that I want to see myself... that I wish I could look at myself again.
My truth is harsh, I know I'm in here somewhere, but recent events (and over-heard conversations mixed with a now ex-fiance who felt that other people were more important than I was... yea... topped off with a nasty attitude towards me saying that my 'insecurities' are the reason for the nastiness from someone that I valued as an important person with an intellect that I revered.) have put my confidence in a trash compactor and then buried the remnants in the backyard.