Natures YouthMature

1

In the middle of a parking lot there sits a tree, small in stature but will grow with time, a perfect picture if only the cars and concrete weren’t locked around in place of what use to be. If I held an eraser id remove the tree from what looks as utmost extinction; I suppose though it gives the elders some gesture of natural comfort. Though, the mountain side sits in perfect view captivating to I and you, the country gleaming with certain distinction will grasp our eyes on what to be a day of terror in the hearts of most summer dwellers. The snow you see had been now falling in this of modern April such beauty such shade no colour it is all a fade; with haste purity and passion of those unknown. I right there down smug sitting on a bench of oak, its faded worn of its oils and sits in with dark intentions under me. Snow melting as falling too im drenched a soul pondered to few, my alliance leans towards the sun. A flock of crows to my left, the sidewalk is filled with them, no garbage lingerers on these paths there darkened eyes stare and watch, smiling in eery silence with no understanding of who I am and what people see me as. I William Petinger am an uncontrolled disease a cancer filled twenty-one year old, once dreams held in hand, was forced to drop and shatter them one by one the cancer took them away. Now I sit day by day wondering what could have been, so young yet so finished in this life of mine, the doctors say I could get better If I fight back, its just all so painful, and those eyes watching sitting and starring judging my intentions to live or die. I never asked for cancer it just came up one day, it was just supposed to be a check up not a life altering change some intentions forced onto me something I don’t need. Ill never forget that day, the phone call to come in to the doctors office that drive hoping I don’t have it wanting to never have face that pain. Sitting in the lounge waiting to go in, I told my mother to wait there It was something I had to find out alone, walking those steps , I counted 18; this was a moment one that shaped a change in events. I pushed the loosened door open and took a seat, I sat waiting twiddling my thumbs, there was no nerves anymore just calm breathing. The door opened and my doctor for the past 21 year walked in, Dr.Peterson. He sat down opened his file , my jaw dropped as if to say something but I didn’t , I just sat there, he looked up at me with his long brown eyes and said those words, " im sorry to tell you this William, but you have cancer. I asked if it was bad and he nodded a yes, I took a deep breath as a tear fell from my eyes something just drained, my hope or age I never knew something just plainly left in that moment. I sat there breathing deeper and deeper just telling myself I can take it Im a man this is nothing, but I knew it was much more than nothing this nothing had taken my father three years earlier. Dr.Peterson just drew a blank and sat there with me, no words just silence; 15minutes had past I stood up looked at him and said I need some time to go and think things threw, really though I just needed time to figure out how to tell my mother for whom is just sitting there waiting more nervous than I ever was, she raised me she watched me grow and to find out that her eldest son of four may not outlive her is just , I dunno its overwhelming and painful and im mixed up and I need a smoke to clear my head, the one thing that gave me this awful lung filling disease. I walked out of the room and back into the lounge, I walked right up to her and looked at her for a long time she knew, she felt my pain through those doors, she dropped down and fell to tears I just stood in aw of this one time trying so hard not to let it all out. It didn’t hit me, it wouldn’t for awhile

The End

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