My Uncle being gone

The pain I feel, I cannot describe. I feel like a hole goes through my chest or an empty spot for where my heart should be. I cry and cry until my eyes burn and are red. The feeling of loneliness and absence of happiness flood into me. I can't think straight, my mind is scattered as I fall to the hard, cold, floor that cannot comfort me or take away my thoughts. My mind is screaming, screaming why, why can death take him out of my life so quickly, easily, almost effortlessly. I feel my heart thumping in my chest, my sharp inhale of breath as I feel it fill my chest but I continue gasping for more. The air is harsh, cold and stings in my throat, I can't focus on anything except on him. He took the position of my father, when my father passed away. He was supposed to walk me down the isle as I got married. He filled the role, took me on adventures and always made me feel proud about myself even when I felt no one else was. One of the last things he said to me as he was laying in the hospital bed barely able to sit up was that he wanted to celebrate me graduating in the next year by taking me hiking, knowing he wasn't going to be able to tore me apart. I'd been looking forward to the next time we were going to go hike but since he got sick with incurable stomach cancer those hopes disappeared as I prayed to a God, I wouldn't normally think about, try talking him into curing my very sick uncle making him better, making him last long enough to witness my major life events to get in good enough health to enjoy life. The once energetic, adventurous, mountain-climbing uncle unfairly gone to cancer. I want to scream, shout out, how unfair it is, how unfair that even with my own father gone and dead before I got to know him, and now the one who unknowingly filled the role now gone as well. I feel my head pounding as I grow fainter not being able to digest all that has happened, how life in its unfair nature can take away someone who means the world to me, who I love unconditionally, and felt the same type of love and respect back. I feel like the sadness and pain will never go away I feel I won't be able to cry out all the anger or defeat. 

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