We all have more then one, but I believe we all have one that stands above the rest and defines us. I'm compelled to write about mine and after reading you may see why. I would love to know others and we can revel together in the faults of humanity.
My curse is I'm too open. I feel all my other problems stem from this fact. I am writing this because tomorrow my optimism must take over for me to function and I will feel my openess as a boon like I usually do.
This post is a testiment to how stupidly open I am. I am posting personal facts onto the internet for anyone to read.
I don't understand why I am the way I am or what compells me to tell the truth and show the ugly nature that everyone else seems to find so easy to bury infront of others. I recently had my first break up. It was amiable enough but the hurt apart from the obvious comes from the fact that I let him see how much it hurt. I asked all the questions that I felt could possibly bother me later on; I openly cried and asked for comfort.
This has been my way to deal up until now but since that day I've been wondering if it's the healthiest/ best way to cope. I am left with an uneasy feeling. He said to me that day that I would find it harder then him to recover. It only hurts now after I've studied the implications of this sentence. He said it off-handedly and only meant that it was because he had initiated the break up. To me it now shows that I showed him too much love perhaps as he seemed to know that I loved him more then him me. I don't know where I'm going with all of this. I thought I had this post worked out but it has taken a turn into the private as is my tendancy.
In real life I don't share unless prompted so perhaps this is just my version of therapy. Maybe I just wish I was prompted.
This guy that I'm on about has witnessed me have two big blow ups/ break downs whatever term you want to use. My mother is exposed to all of my neurosis and failings. I need to control how much I show to others 1. for self preservation and 2. to protect the people I care about and minimise their worry.
This has been quite cathartic and I suppose I could have a worse weakness. If anyone would like to share as I have I would appreciate it. It would make me feel better to know other people are weak sometimes too. Does that make me a bad person?
Now that I have proved nothing and shared to much I'll post...(I sort of don't want to, maybe I'm improving!)