Jesus Savior,

[There is quite alot written about Carmen; I've left most of it out so that it doesn't look like empty flattery ;)].

I want to be more like Carmen, Lord. It's like everything she does, she does in praise to You. I am so in AWE of her AMAZINGNESS. God, to be one fraction as amazing...gahhh.

I feel so rejuvenated after being with her. Maybe someday, I'll have that impact on others. As of now, I just...have to get through today.

God, I and my beliefs are SO messed up. I don't know HOW to get better. And I'm afraid to ask You for help because...I don't want to be obnoxious.

I want, so DESPERATELY, to believe, God! Forgive and help my unbelief! How could I have strayed so far from You? 


Somehow, the imperfections of humanity ILLUMINATE Your perfection. If I was perfect, my perfection would downplay Your Greatness. If I could save myself, there would be no need for You. You came for the sinners. You died for me, because I need it. If I could attain flawlessness, what point would there be in loving You?

So, thank-You, God...for...

I don't know if I can say it, God. I don't know if I can thank You for imperfection. As much as I hate to admit it, I still have the desire to be perfect, and I still feel a need to save myself. I still am not over my perfectionism. Something tells me that'll take time.

You have begun a GREAT work in me, and I know You will be faithful to see it through!

This is so weird, so foreign! I feel as though I can talk to You without guilt. I can pray to You without feeling the need to be eloquent (I do hope that's not annoying!) I somehow KNOW that Redemption is at hand, and that THRILLS me to NO END!

And Jesus, I love You. God - every part of You - I love You. I. Love. You.

Thank-You, God, for my struggles. For my anxiety. For my OCD. For my perfectionism.

Thank-You, God, for my imperfection.

Through it all, I know You. Through it all, I see You. Through it all, I love You.

The flaws I have worked so hard to eradicate...they're meant to be there. The weaknesses, the temptations, the tears, the heartache, the pain...they're all a way of bringing about love, a love that can ONLY be known by knowing both the beautiful AND the ugly.

To know beauty, I must have known pain. To know wholeness, I must have known emptiness. To know peace, I must have known conflict. To know Truth, I must have known lies. To know You, I must have known myself.

To know perfection...I must have known imperfection.

The End

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