Merciful Redeemer,

Two days into freedom, and I just want to give up. I just want to go back. Some people talk about their freedom, and they say they have NO desire to return to their bondage. So why is it that everytime I remember that I used to fight for perfection (a nearly constant memory), I just want to go back?

Honestly, if people weren't rooting for me, I'd just go back. If You weren't pushing for my freedom, I'd go right back to the wasteland.

I really am ugly on the inside...

But You don't see me that way, do You? I mean, You know ALL about my imperfection, but that's not have You view me! THAT IS NOT HOW YOU VIEW ME! 

And for the first time, I feel a feather of Your peace rest on my soul. It's a yellow feather, I think, and it makes all the difference in the WORLD.

You know the desires of my heart, Lord. I ask that You give me strength to fight this battle.

I know I keep asking for things, and I'm SO SORRY about that, but may I make another request? May I ask to feel Your Love?

I'm sorry; I just HAVE to apologize for making that request. I should be able to take care of my feelings without bothering You.

Or...could it be that I CAN ask You for help with my emotions?

I don't know...maybe I'll ask Carmen tomorrow. 

The End

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