05-01-2012

05-01-2012

Holy God,

I'm sorry.

Do I have to choose between You and perfectionism? Can't I hold onto both? But how can I serve two completely different masters?

You don't want this. You don't want me to be miserable. So why - WHY - do I do this? Why can't I just call it quits? There's got to be a different way.

Selfish. Useless. Identityless. Broken. Damaged. Worthless. And I'm supposed to be okay with that? I'm supposed to be OKAY with not being perfect? How am I supposed to cope with imperfection?

I cling to this because I want to be WORTHY of You. I want to make myself miserable. I feel safe when I feel miserable. In some totally twisted way, being in bondage is freeing.

HOW CAN I EVER HOPE WHEN I'M SO IRREVOCABLY UNREDEEMABLE?

I'm sick and tired.

Miserable.

Help...

The End

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