Wow, it's...been so long.

I don't really know what to say...ahh...

Well, I've been going to counseling. It's been good. I feel like progress will be made. I just need to have more faith.

Pha! Like that's gonna happen! What a mess this is. Seriously. I have half a mind to stop talking right now. It's not like this'll do any good.

Wow...I sound so faithless. I really do. I don't WANT to sound this way, but I'm fed up right now. And frankly, You don't seem to want to help me. I feel like You're laughing as You watch me unsuccessfully try to know You. But whatever. I guess I'll just deal with it, like I just deal with EVERYTHING ELSE in my life. Life's just about survival, after all.

I know, I know - that's not a healthy mindset.

Well, anytime You feel like showing up and helping me out, go right ahead. I'll be here, waiting for You.

Well, bye for now, I guess.


God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so sullen. I know You don't deserve it. I know You haven't left me! I just wish You'd speak to me like You used to.

Granted, I don't speak to YOU like I used to, but...

I have a counseling appointment today...I don't know how I feel about that. Or if I even feel anything about it. Probably not. I probably will NEVER feel again. I just need to accept that. Just...show me how to know You, God. I'm waiting on You. Do You even see me here?

The End

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