10-26-2011

10-26-2011

Savior, Beautious Savior,

No!

I refuse to let myself slip away. I REFUSE to let go of my convictions!

I was lying on the bed, trying to get myself to feel something - ANYTHING! - when it occurred to me:

What if I become numb to Your Spirit?

The thought REALLY scared me!

If I become callous, then what's to keep me from letting go of You?

Seriously, I'm NOT going to let myself fade away!

I REFUSE!

I refuse, Lord. Oh, how I wish I'd never falen into this pit in the first place! I thought I was being oh-so-smart, making myself oh-so-safe, but noooooo. This is the worst mistake I've ever made!

Who knew vulnerability was so necessary in a relationship with YOu?

I sure didn't.

Or...maybe I did, and it scared me.

I feel like these written prayers to You are a form of counseling. I keep finding things out about myself whenever I write! It's terrifying...but, also...kind of healing.

Suddenly, I now realize how praying to You has literally kept my sanity. How utterly important it is. How instrumental it's been in keeping my relationship with You.

I just...I don't understand it. I really don't. It's totally mind-boggling...in a wonderful sort of way.

And it makes me realize...HOW MUCH YOU VALUE THE PRAYER OF A SAINT.

Me, a saint.

:D

That's a tummy-tickling kind of thrill.

The End

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