Healer of the Wounded,
Still feeling nothing.
Except anger...yes, I can feel anger. It's kind of annoying...Urgh. Icy heart.
Lord, will You PLEASE HEAL ME?
But, at the same time, I'm afraid to let go. I remember the pain, and it's the last thing I want to feel right now...
Because, just as imprisoning as numbness is...it's safe.
I feel...safe. But it's probably not a GOOD safe, You know? I mean, it's not BAD to build walls - or is it? It's probably not the BEST, but I certainly don't want to be in pain again...the kind of pain that stems from rejection and failure.
But, is it best to be safe? Sometime, You call us to do - to feel - unsafe things.
And, I mean...YOUR safety is the best. And this safety is CERTAINLY NOT from You. It's from the confines I've built around myself.
I guess it's one of those things I know I have to change, but I don't really want to...
Lord, show me how to WANT to be free of this safe bondage!
I NEED to get over this! I need to get over this! Lord, teach me dependency! Please, Lord!
How can I break free...from numbness?