My Protector,

Trust during adversity. That's the message of today's devotion. It's kind of what I needed to hear - especially when I go through times when my heart doesn't trust in salvation. And that's a pretty frequent issue in my life...

Take, for example, this morning. I woke up and felt absolutely alone. I realize, however, that the feeling of aloneness stems from distrust - because whenever I let myself trust that YOU WILL ENVER LEAVE ME, I don't feel alone anymore.

The thing is, I wonder if my distrust in You is a result of distrust in other people. Back when we lived in Indiana, my friends didn't reject me for Idina all that often, and they didn't tell my secrets. So I didn't have ANY trouble in trusting Your salvation.

But my problems started when I started getting betrayed. I think I've finally discovered the root of my trust issues.

Already, I am feeling condemnation seep into my heart. I know this can't be from You, Lord! I know this can't be from You.

I feel as though this is the bane of my existence - this cycle of feeling damned, then being free, only feel damned, then free again, and so on.

I think I've been betrayed by friends so many times that I assume You'll betray me, too. I think I subconsciously equate Your trustworthiness with my friends' trustworthiness.

The End

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