I don't know. I've just been avoiding You because I feel like I don't deserve to talk to You. I feel like somehow, if I read Your Word or talk to You, You'll punish me terribly. Maybe even...condemn me to hell.
I KNOW You don't want Your children to sit around, constantly in anxiety and wondering if they're saved or not.
But am I one of Yours? What if I've unknowingly turned my back to You, and can't ever be saved again?
These worries have always plagued me constantly. What I mean is, I've had them from time to time. But they haven't been this bad in a REALLY long time.
I'm just so SCARED that I've backslidden and don't even know it! Or that somehow, my heart is just WAY TOO hardened anymore, and so You've given me over to a "reprobate mind." But if I'd turned my back on You, I wouldn't be so worried, would I? If I'd been given over to a reprobate mind, I wouldn't be CONSTANTLY agonizing over my salvation, would I?
I just don't know, and I feel like I can't ask You, because I don't deserve to. I feel like I shouldn't talk to You. At least, not in my voice.
Lord, please...You don't have to, but would You show me how to follow You, and what I'm missing?...