One Who CHERISHES My Soul,
When I ask myself, "Am I lukewarm?" I always compare myself to Christians who seem more lukewarm than me. But when You look at me, You don't compare my spiritual state with others. You hold me to YOUR standards. And frankly, Your standards are scary. They're strict. They're impossible to maintain.
And that's what Your Grace does. Your Grace makes it possible to be blameless in Your Eyes. Your Grace picks us up when we fall down. Your Grace is Your gift of mercy.
My Savior, I want to be all in. I want to be fearless. I want to have the courage to be as gutsy as You need me to be! But I'm freaked out, God. The thought of being all-out for You scares me...I'm afraid of attempting something for You, then falling. Hard. On my face. In front of everyone.
In front of You.
I know You love and are proud of me NO MATTER WHAT, but I don't know...I don't want to muddy Your Name and Reputation by messing up. I want to be bold...but I want to be confident that what I'm doing is the right thing.
Why am I so afraid of failure? I need to keep reminding myself that You ARE proud of me. That even if I try to stand for You but fail, You know my effort and my heart. You are the LOVER OF MY SOUL, the Creator of not only myself, but the entire universe...and that You love me, not collectively with the rest of the masses...but every single soul, individually.
THAT is hope.
I LOVE YOU!!! ♥ ♥