07-21-2011

07-21-2011

Valiant Warrior,

May I tell You something that's been plaguing me since going to Israel and Egypt last year? I know, I know - it's dumb and oversensitive, but so many Egyptian and Israeli guys acted totally interested in her and didn't even give me a second glance, and I dunno...It would've been kind of nice to get SOME kind of attention like that - some kind of verbal affirmation that YES, I'm an okay person. Okay. There. I've said it. I know, I spend, like, half my journal time writing about her [Idina]. I love her SO MUCH, but (very selfishly) I wish I wasn't so unattractive, and that she wasn't so flawless!

Allow me to moan again.

GAHHHHHHH!

UUUUUUGH!

GRRRRRRR!

*Ahemm*

Makes me want to step out and have SOME kind of identity...whether good OR bad. [My oldest sister] got into drinking and drugs. Idina's the anorexic cutter. I'm the...the...the little sister who stands by, watches, and determines not to be like them? GET REAL, SELF. Until that amazing encounter with You several evenings ago, I was willing to be good OR bad, as long as I could get an identity.

Frankly, though, it's the bad ones who get the attention.

It's the good ones that get..let's see. Ignored?

But ever since I laid it ALL at the altar several nights ago, I CLING to Your promise that to YOU, I am somebody special.

I LOVE YOU! ♥ ♥

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