03-12-2011, part one

03-12-2011, part one

To the ONLY FAITHFUL FRIEND...

Tonight, I was wearing a major happy mask. It was the fundraiser for the Mexico missions trip. I was being sure to chat with the less popular people and pay many compliments to every person, but You know what? You know what I got in return? People going crazy over Idina. I continued to be the most cheerful-and-chipper-person-in-the-building-times-ten, but my heart was breaking. Yet I didn't dare to let it show. However, at the same time, I wanted to cry. I wanted people to notice. I wanted sympathy! I wanted ATTENTION! Still, I decided the consequences of crying would be far worse than the benefits, so I blinked back my tears and laughed louder. Smiled bigger. Complimented more. What better way to hide emotions than to act in the exact opposite way of what you feel?

And then, I saw [a friend] hanging all over Idina. I looked away and muttered to myself, "I swear, if I see that again, I am going to lose it."...

Anyways, I looked up again, and just then, [the friend] grabbed Idina and started gushing about something.

I cried. I went into the bathroom and cried.

The End

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