Almighty GOD...

Is it wrong to be jealous of [my sister's] attention? It's like people are admiring her bravery [in fighting her anorexia], but no one recognizes the fact that I have worked SO HARD to create the perfect atmosphere in the family! Whenever people are so excited about [her], I have to think of the story of the prodigal son. I used to always think the prodigal's brother was SO INCREDIBLY SELFISH, but I realize now that he was so angry not only because he'd never been rewarded for doing the right thing and the prodigal was being rewarded after doing all the wrong things, but also because he'd probably had to do all his brother's responsibilities and wasn't even being recognized! I'm not saying I wish [my sister] wasn't home - I'm SO GLAD she is! - but that I wish my efforts could be recognized, too.

Another thing. Everyone's been walking on eggshells to be super sensitive to [my sister] and to help her feel better whenever she's anxious, but whenever I'm anxious, they get annoyed with me. Really, people? Are we really going to play the favoritism game?...

God, could I please just feel You by my side? I understand that faith is believing in what you can't see or touch, but I would grow so much more in my walk with You if I could just feel You. Or even see You, but I know that's not likely.

I've just realized that this whole entry has been insecurity-themed, so I'll end with three wonderful words:

I Love You.

The End

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