02-21-2011, part one
Dearest Abba Father,
Last night was one of the worst things I have ever endured. I went to bed around ten-thirtyish (early, I know). You know how I have a strange phobia of the stomach flu? Well, yesterday, I gave my cousin a hug. I later found out that she threw up at church! I did pretty well with not being anxious, and I was pretty pleased with myself.
That night, [one of my best friends] called me and told me something upsetting that had happened over the weekend. Since she's my closest out-of-family friend, I got really anxious, but it went away after awhile. I played a few games on my iPod Touch and listened to some music and wrote some poetry. My anxiety went away...for awhile.
Suddenly, I felt horribly sick to my stomach. I shrugged it away, because my stomach randomly does that sometimes. But it kept getting worse and worse, and my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I started panicking like crazy. [My sister] got Mom and Dad, and they sat by me. [My sister] got me Sprite and pretzels, and Mom got me Benadryl to help me go to sleep. It took FOREVER before I was calm enough to sleep. Now, they all want me to go to counseling again. Gahhh! I said I'd go last night, because nothing seemed like a big deal in the face of my overwhelming anxiety. Now, I wish I wouldn't have said that so brashly. Why did I say I'd do that?!?! I don't want to go to counseling :( Oh, well...