It took me a while to absorb the meaning of the Psalm, to fully understand what God was trying to say to me.
I'd always wanted to have an "Oh My Word" God moment. I'd never had it. Not up to that second.
That night, I'd been retiring to bed - feeling lonely and rather depressed. No, depressed is much of an exaggeration. I was just quite resentful. Of my identity issues, of my friends, of everything I'd been struggling with that past week. Things just kept piling up - a combination of school stress, personal problems and fears of the near future.
And I finally exploded. And when I did...(I can't believe I'm admitting this)...I even resented Him a little. And then the shock of what I'd felt/done came biting at me? How can I? How can I possibly have resented God?! That was unacceptable.
I hated myself.
I hated what I'd done.
I hated who I'd become due to my overload of issues that are actually nothing compared to what most people have gone through in this world.
I felt so pathetic.
And that night - I was about to crawl under the covers believing that no one would ever find me beautiful, or truly know me beyond the mask that I wear. And that was when I saw the Bible.