From this chapter and the ones that follow will all be the entries I wrote after the event occurred. It mostly consists of journal entries but also a few poems. I poured my heart out into this. And I intend it to share it with you in hopes of it reaching anyone in the special way that God had reached me that night.
My Beautiful Savior,
I've always wanted You to define me - to take me on a special journey, possibly through a dream or vision and guide me to my identity. My prayers to You have always consisted of some wish that I want You to fulfill but never once did I ever stop and ask to myself: Enough of what I want God to do, but what does He want from me?
Tumbling upon each mistake I make in misjudging myself, and in the result questioning You and Your presence. I know You're there, listening to my every prayer but the uncertainty that follows always feels unavoidable.
| Maybe God doesn't really care.
Don't say that! Of course He does!
Really? How can you be sure?
God will never desert me. I just know it. |