Following are the entries that I'd written quite a while before the revelation that had occurred that night. They deeply express some of my insecurities and troubles that I'd been facing and are a combination of journal entries, and poems.
I really don't know why I'm actually writing this, and I admit, I do feel rather uncertain about putting this up on Protagonize. But often, it helps me to know that I can share this with people who have grown to be close friends of mine on here. And I hope it will work out the same way for this particular piece.
Distances are easy to make but seem so difficult to close. And in this distance, I start to feel like I've lost my path. Fragments of my faith start to fall apart. I know You are there and I know that I can trust You yet something keeps me away, something holds me back.
I've started to feel like I can't satisfy what You expect of me. I try to be that strong believer - who no matter the obstacles placed in their path has everlasting faith. But for every mistake and every temptation that I give myself to, I'm being torn bit by bit on the inside.
I can never be adequate enough to be the ultimate follower of my Savior. I can never be the perfect Christian I've wanted to be.
So young and so vain; I stumble. But instead of getting back up, I sit still and wait.
One of these days, it's all going to fall apart again. There's no use in putting false hope in a wish that will never come true.