just talking about my depression-
is it just me, or does depression seem to be more common now and days?
the fading sunshine bleeds through cracks in my blinds- is there anyway to just stop time? i need to get myself together, sew myself back up into something that isn't foreboding and wont scare the people in my life away. i need some time for the sun to soak into my leaves,to create sustenance for me and i need a bit of time for my tears to water my roots so i can grow- out of the darkness and into the light, that is my only goal until tonight. i want to be whole again, to not fear for my own life every time a knife comes in sight- i want to feel safe in my own arms, to not be afraid to be left alone.i feel as if my very skin is afraid of me, of my darker tendencies- and that more than anything haunts me. To be afraid of my very own hands- to fear a wrecking ball, a bomb, a decimation, of my own creation. there is nothing i can even say to myself to reassure that i am well cared for and safe-guarded, that my existence is recorded,noticed, needed- that,perhaps, even my old bubbling sunshine spirit is sorely missed.its all made worse by the lack od explanation- the lack of rules,set guidelines that can be followed so that this battle can be won. so it comes to stand that i have no profound words of wisdom to those of you suffering like as i do- no quick fix tricks to put a smile on your face, no calm words to stop the panic from rising- the only thing i have to say is to keep fighting. the sun will find us all eventually, and we will grow- tall,dark, and mysteriously beautiful from our time spent battling to survive against the darkest of all knights- depression.
Stay hopeful, and don't deny the sunshine when it fights its way to you. Accept it. Love it. Nurture it. So that you can grow along with it. xoxo