Just memories I wouldn't like to forget as I reflect back upon 2010.
That one night had been special. Thinking back on it now only sends this strange shade of happiness inside me; the kind you'd have when you've just experienced the first kiss with a boy or asked out to the spring dance. I feel like butterflies are flying around in my stomach and as cliche as that might sound, it's true. But the reality is; it's too late to feel like that and I don't have the right to have that emotion towards him anymore. But I can think back to that one beautiful memory and make the most of it today.
Due to the insistence of my friends and classmates, in the end, I decided to perform in the annual UN Kids Day that was held every year. Normally, a few group of students from each school come and show what they're capable of to the rest of the audience. I was one of the representatives of my school and when I walked up onto that small stage, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me.
This was the first time I was performing a solo in front of a live audience and not only was this extremely terrifying, but it put me on edge when I saw my parents waving over at me. I glanced to my left, at the rest of my 'crew'. My music teacher had a thumbs up for me while Len had her mouth stretched in a wide grin for me. My eyes didn't dare catch his cause I knew if they did, the pressure would only grow. But with a deep breath, I made a short introductory speech before my voice broke into the familiar melody of a song.
I was too caught up in the last few words to notice the loud applause that broke around me. When I snapped out of my reverie, I felt myself go red, and after giving a quick bow, walked off the stage.
Mrs. L was close to tears as she embraced me tightly and gave me a kiss on the forehead, repeating how beautiful I'd looked and sounded up there. Being my music teacher of five years, she'd seen me grow up as I made my way up from 3rd grade - being the shy girl who always stuck to the far corner of the room - to 7th grade - the leader of the class, bold and willing to be heard.
Next came my close friend Len who hugged me too and told me what a perfect match we were for each other. She herself was a good singer and our voices had always gone well together so I couldn't help but grin when she said this. The guys did their usual job, giving me hard claps on my back. I tried not to make it such a big situation when Ray passed by and winked at me. "You sounded great up there."
My response? Silence. The hours went by quick and my parents didn't object when Len asked them if I could go to the German club - a popular place for outings and having fun - for her brother's birthday. My parents didn't object which was great news to me but only when I made it to the party, did I realize what I would've missed out on if my parents had said no.
It was nothing as amazing as you'd see in the movies. It was so normal. Infact, when I tell you right now you'll probably think what the hell is wrong with me for building up all the tension to this point. But to me, I can never forget those eyes of emerald as they appeared to me that time. I can never forget anything.
I'd been sitting alone, dipping my feet into the pool which was 'off limits' after seven p.m. Not after long, I was joined by Len, Dave, Duck Rogers - as we liked to call him - and Jay. But they didn't disturb my reverie, instead playing off in the water by themselves. But I looked up when a shadow fell not too far away from me. Ray was walking barefoot towards me, a wicked glint in his eyes as he grinned. A small gasp escaped my lips as he kicked the water and it hit me, ice-cold. I couldn't help but giggle when he continued splashing me.
I had the sudden urge to just get, walk over, and kiss him right there, right then even when all our friends were around us. But of course I didn't do that...because he already had a girlfriend. And he never actually cared about me. Ever.
I remember how a few days later at school, Len had brought up everything that had happened that night to two other girlfriends of mine. I still remember what she'd said.
"He looked like he was just gonna grab and kiss the life out of her right then and there. And what with her giggling like a little school girl. Seriously, she's crushing on him...hard."
After all these days and confessions and tears, here I am thinking back to such a simple memory where nothing had much happened in reality. Why do I think right now about him?
I don't know.
But its a memory I'll never forget.