A mixture of emotions from many sources bursting to be heard; cynical to say the least.
the darkness helps,
it gives the feeling that the world does not exist,
like nothing can go wrong even if that means nothing can go right.
(If merely being could make one happy can one endeavour to follow this indefinitely?
Content, my body would continue to spew words out that mean nothing but could one fell this way forever? In one fixed state would a body slowly disintegrate and die? Would it hurt more or less than this?)
it helps to forget,
be it mistakes, decisions, reasons, dreams, conversations or beings,
life is not fair to those who work hard; it punishes everyone alike.
I feel an emptiness, my heart is not broken, but confidence hurt.
I promised myself yesterday that I would be rid of this feeling, one destitute night should be enough to learn a lesson, right?
if like is so harsh then why impose it on others?
all I want to do is scream, shout and cause havoc.
I do not want to be here
I want to be in the past, before everything happened. or in the future when everything is sorted.
(Does life ever get better? Or does it continue on slowly killing a person until they stop caring and start just being? Does anyone really catch a break, feel ecstatically happy of emotionally whole? Can I wear a smile that will not falter?)
my one wish...that night would continue on forever.