Musings of a Confused Heart

Sometimes there's poetry in your heart, yet you cannot find the words to pen it down. I find myself facing such a dilemma today. I feel the urge to pour my heart out, yet there seems to be some glitch. I find myself out of words that rhyme. And you may call me old-fashioned, but I love my poetry in sync. Tear should rhyme with fear and froze should rhyme with rose. It is with this indecision that I pen down my thoughts today and turn to prose for comfort.

I wonder many a times why the heart wants what it wants. I wonder why it craves most what it knows will be most difficult to attain. I wonder why it attaches itself to those who it knows to be most easily prone to detachment. But one thing is for certain, the heart wants what it wants and there is nothing that can satisfy its craving other than the object of its desire.

Being in love presents us with a similar predicament. What does the heart want? Does it want the constant attention, or does it crave the chill of fear? Does it ask for unrequitted adulation, or does it demand the pinch of careless abandon? Love seeks not to answer these questions but to further complicate the rarely gotten answers.

Sometimes the pleasure of a soft glance is enough to quench the thirst for affection while at other times even the most ardent poetry fails to touch a chord. Sometimes the wrath of one's beloved warms one's very being when at other times it creates a rift so wide that it seems to be unbridgable. There are moments when poignant kisses make the world go around and then there are those when even making love seems to be a chore.

So, what does the heart want? Why is it so paradoxical? Can't there be a set list that we can check through when we are in love? Why is the path of love fraught with indecision, doubt, anxiety, bewilderment, dissatisfaction and yet decorated with conviction, confidence, bliss, assuredness, satisfaction and joyousness?

There are one too many questions that our heart asks of us irrespective of our relationship status. When we are single it asks whether one person or the other is the perfect one. When we are committed it asks us if we are sure of the person we are with. But the funniest part is that when we are in a conundrum it stays ominously silent. When we have questions and doubts of our own it never ceases to remain but a silent spectator.

And our heart is astute yet cunning simultaneously. It always points us in a certain direction and when we turn around to double check, it looks the other way. It pushes us over the precipice and yet holds us back from the fatal fall. It gives us a taste of poisonous paradise yet keeps the elixir of reality close by. In essence, it is the proprietor of a high octane rollercoaster ride.

But it can be said that even though our heart can be a traitorous freak, it is also one of our closest companions. It is privy to the going ons of our everyday life, the indecision when it comes to our partner, the ache of being spurned, the joy of being embraced, the sting of rejection, the gratefulness for acceptance. We are naked in front of our hearts. Nothing is hidden, nothing is forbidden. From our deepest and darkest fantasies to our most frivolous and shallow desires, it knows all.

So in a month when Valentine's Day is not around the corner, when it is not fashionable to be in love, and when spring does not signify the blossoming of new love, let us celebrate the vivaciousness and viciousness of our one true friend and guide, our heart.

The End

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