Love...Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Falling in love and then falling out of it.

NEVER ONCE HAD I IMAGINED THAT I WOULD NEED ANY ASSISTANCE TO GIVE VENT TO MY AGONY, MY EMOTIONS, MY FEELINGS.

NEVER ONCE HAD I IMAGINED THAT I COULD BE STRONG ENOUGH TO EXPOSE MYSELF BEFORE THE WORLD AND LAY MY HEART OPEN FOR ALL TO SEE.

I HAD ONLY IMAGINED THAT THE HAPPY PHASE OF INNOCENCE, JOY, AND ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL WOULD CONTINUE AND LAST FOR AS LONG AS I WISHED.
ALAS! IF ONLY ALL OUR WISHES CAME TRUE.

BEING SINGLE HAD ALWAYS BEEN A BOON FOR ME. I HAD BEEN POPULAR, NOT TIED DOWN TO ONE PERSON, ENJOYING SCHOOL LIFE TO THE HILT.
BEING OVERWEIGHT, I WAS ALWAYS THE GUYS' BEST FRIEND AND THE GIRLS' CONFIDANT.

I NEVER IMAGINED THAT MY LIFE WOULD EVER BE SCENTED WITH THE SWEET FRAGRANCE OF VALENTINE'S DAY ROSES, OR BE FLOODED WITH A LOVER'S ATTENTION.

KNOWING FULLY MY SHORTCOMINGS, AND COMPLETELY BASKING IN THE WARMTH OF THE LOVE THAT MY FRIENDS SHOWERED ON ME, I WAS SATISFIED. I NEVER CRAVED THE LOVE OF A MAN. I NEVER WISHED FOR THE WARMTH OF A LOVER'S EMBRACE.

BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS. MAYBE HE WANTED ME TO FEEL THE LUXURIATING FEELING OF BEING LOVED DEEPLY, OR MAYBE HE WANTED ME TO DROWN IN THE BLACK AND DARK SEA OF PAIN IN THE AFTERMATH OF SUCH ECSTACY.

MAYBE HE SIMPLY WISHED FOR ME TO GROW UP AND SEE THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT ACTUALLY WAS.

ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAD PLANNED FOR ME, FOR HE SENT ME AN ANGEL. THE ANGEL OF LOVE. HE SENT ME THE SCENT OF THE MORNING DEW AND THE TWINKLING OF THE STARS ON THE BLANKET OF THE BLACK SKY. HE SENT ME THE PURITY OF A NEWBORN'S SMILE AND THE WARMTH OF A BLAZING EMBER. HE SENT ME THE BEAUTY OF THE ORCHID AND THE WONDER OF THE GLOWING SUN.

TIME PASSED. THINGS CHANGED. LIFE CHANGED. I CHANGED. I BEGAN DEPENDING ON THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS SO MUCH THAT THE THOUGHT OF LOSING THEM DID NOT CROSS MY MIND EVEN FOR ONE INSTANCE. I CHERISHED THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER AND KEPT IT SAFE FROM ALL ILLS.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THE MOMENT WHEN I BEGAN TO TAKE THIS GLORY FOR GRANTED. MAYBE IT WAS MY FAITH IN HIM THAT LED ME INTO BELIEVING THAT NOTHING COULD GO WRONG. OR MAYBE IT WAS MY BELIEF IN THE ADAGE,"GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE".

BUT GOD KNEW THAT IT WAS TIME TO SNATCH THE TOY HE HAD SO BENEVOLENTLY BESTOWED UPON ME. HE DECIDED THAT THE TIME HAD COME FOR ME TO FACE THE REALITIES OF A WORLD SO FORLORN THAT IT WAS HARD TO IMAGINE.

LOVE LEFT US. WE GREW APART WITHOUT ACTUALLY REALIZING IT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE. HIS HEART HAD LEFT MY BOSOM FOR A PLACE UNKNOWN TO ME, NEVER TO RETURN.

WHAT FILLED THAT HOLLOW SPACE WAS THE FEELING OF REMORSE, A SENSE OF GUILT FOR LETTING THINGS GO ON AS THEY HAD, A FEELING OF BEING BETRAYED, A SENSE OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

THE CAVITY STILL PERVADES MY SENSES. IT ENGULFS MY MIND AND DRAWS TEARS OUT OF MY BLEEDING HEART. IT NUMBS ME AGAINST THE PAIN THAT HAD FILLED MY DAYS UNTIL NOW. IT BREAKS MY ALREADY BROKEN SPIRIT TIME AND AGAIN. IT SHATTERS MY SOUL AND KILLS MY BEING.

BUT I KNOW WHO TO TURN TO. MY GOD. HE HAS BEEN THERE ALWAYS FOR ME, BY MY SIDE, HOLDING MY HAND EVEN THROUGH THE TOUGHEST STORMS. HE WILL SURELY CURE MY AFFLICTION AND MAKE ME AS GOOD AS NEW.

I HOPE HE SEES THIS AND FEELS THE PAIN THAT SPLITS MY BEING INTO TINY FRAGMENTS.  FRAGMENTS SO SMALL THAT THE NAKED EYE CAN NEVER SEE THEM. BUT THEN HE HAS THE MOST POWERFUL LENSES, THE LENSES OF LOVE, THE LENSES OF UNDERSTANDING.

I AM SURE HE WILL GUIDE ME AND STRENGTHEN ME. I KNOW THAT HE WILL MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON HE CREATED FOR ME. AND THAT PERSON IS ME.

HE WILL HELP ME LOVE MYSELF, CHERISH AND UNDERSTAND MYSELF AND THEN HE WILL SEND ME ANOTHER FRAGRANT MORNING WITH THE FRESH DEW ON THE LEAVES.

The End

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