Smallest Hope

I have always been in touch with God, and that is one thing that was vitally important. Without God, I would not have progressed as I have this far, and I would likely still be in my depression. 

During my depression, the only thing I was able to hold to regarding my faith was prayer. I didn't have the strength to read scripture, every time I tried I would still feel lost, and I couldn't feel any comfort in the word of God. 

Something that I have come to see is that you can know something and yet not feel anything about it. You can know that some drugs are bad for your body, and yet you feel nothing about that and you still use them. So just like that, I was able to know that I needed to get better but was unable to care or do anything about it for a very longtime. But I still wanted to get better, and my only hope was to pray to God for something.

So that's what I did. I prayed, every single day for a month, that one person would be my friend. I prayed that I could have one person in my life to care about me and talk to me, to be close to me. I felt so dead inside, so cold and alone, that I pleaded with God that one person in this world would show me that I could be cared about. I wanted to die, I wanted to curl up and hide from the world, that my presence would no longer take up space in others' lives. The pain was so deep and strong that I was so exceedingly numb that I could hardly even hope for God to somehow bring someone into my life. 

But it was still there, the tiniest, smallest bit of hope. I held to that as though my life depended on it. Because it did. 

The End

0 comments about this work Feed