I lived behind different masks. I became adept at showing the world a smile that felt genuine and warm, helping them feel better about ignoring my pain. That's what I did, and continue to do, make people feel better. Even when it brings about great pain for myself.
I learned how to hurt people also. Well, more accurately would be to say that I learned how to hurt people in greater ways. I stopped caring about everything, except for the moral laws that I knew to be right. And at one point, even those I stopped caring about for a time, save a few. I struggled to communicate clearly as well, though that wording seems to be deceptive. I would speak in away that I could understand, and in a way anyone familiar with how I thought could understand. The problem was that no one aside from my self understood my mind, and so could never decipher the things I would try to say. I suppose one reason for that was that I wanted to find someone who could understand me without my need to explain everything I meant, a desire to be understood straight up with out need to speak more clearly.
It was an interesting thing, to not be able to think clearly, and yet be able to communicate in a way complicated enough that no one could understand. It took very little energy, and seemed simple. I became irritated at anyone who tried to understand but didn't, I felt that they weren't worth my time because they couldn't understand things as I could