This is my story dealing with depression and loneliness. I hope for it to become a work that I continue to work with, until the day I finally feel as though I have defeated it. However, I do not for see that as being anytime soon
I am not the most intelligent person, indeed there is much that I don’t understand. There is much that I want to learn and do, but I feel as though it is too difficult at this time. But what better time than now?
I grew up believing that I was meant to be alone, that I would never really have a friend. I thought that I was outside of the system, on the edge between society and my own world. I occasionally felt as a part of society when I would help those around me resolve their issues, but as soon as they were helped they would leave, and I would go back to my own world. I often thought of myself as a hermit who assisted those who wandered too close to my home and had injuries that I could treat for them. I felt very isolated throughout all of my life, and had no idea how to change it.
The interesting thing about loneliness is that it is hard to understand if you haven’t dealt with it, and I believe there are differences in how people experience it. For me, loneliness was a way of life. I learned while very young that I was different from the people around me, different from even the other “different” people. I didn't struggle with my sexuality, I didn't have cognitive troubles (at least not ones that set me apart), I wasn't a genius, and I didn't struggle to understand my religion. I understood things clearly, and was able to make sense of those things that others seemed to struggle with. I enjoyed talking with adults sometimes due to the fact that I felt other children were too foolish to understand the things I thought. The problem with having complex understanding as a child though is that you most likely aren't very good at communication.
I had a few friends during elementary school, but even there I was on the outside. They were close, and I was the add-on and thus I didn't feel fully wanted, accepted, or included. But in the interest of getting to my point, long story short is that I have been alone in most ways since I was a child, and I always felt different from everyone.
So what does that matter? We are all lonely in some way, right? Well, that's the conclusion I have come too. We are all lonely to some extant, but how do we fix it?
Well I fixed it by focusing on building my relationship with my Savior. This has been a very long process however, it isn't like it happened over night.