Locked In - an Internal Monologue

My girl friend just left my house, these are effectively the emotions and thoughts going through my head as I held her during the movie.

There's a reason we date a few times with a few people. Be it to crush your wild spirit and never wonder 'what else'. Be it to never settle for sub par, constantly searching for what you need. I figure it's because we never do anything right on our first times.

a Kiss, play movie, sit side by side.

a Kiss, laugh at movie, move arm slightly over.

a Kiss, ignore movie, fingers laced together.

a Kiss, and Another, Arm Wrapped Around her Waist.

Imagine yourself, practically dating for six years since you've known the person, just now taking on a new role. Deep in your heart, even if it wasn't at start, you know for a fact that you love her?

I know from experience not to take things too fast, or risk losing the shot that's at hand, but all that you want is to lock eyes with her and tell her the words, "I love you."

A kiss, a peck, another, on cheek, miss lips, laugh, try again, try harder, pull back, lock eyes, time stops.

My first 'friend was bad, we both were at that, just as you always are terrible on your first kiss. You don't know what to do, no one guiding the way, so you practice doing what comes naturally.

Sloppily.

The second one comes, you're awkward from inexperience knowing of their gross expectations. A month now goes by, hardly wishing to lip, and you break it off from the pressure.

A third one comes, but only lasts for a week, your experienced inexperience gives too grand expectations. Come on too strong, frighten away, live wondering what all went wrong.

And now comes the one that you know matters most. 6 years have passed since you met, at your age that's a third of your lifetime.

Everything you feel says to kiss her hard, tell her your thoughts, express how much she means.

But experience says to play it all cool, move at a slow rate as ever. Do not embarrass yourself, pretend to build through time, and for god's sake don't let her realize you can't kiss.

That's almost a deal breaker.

Time moves, you kick yourself, repress the urge to speak, and just kiss her as well as you can.

We never kiss quite like we kiss the first time. The first time we don't try, we just do. No weights bearing down, pressures to be found, tainted thoughts to kick around.

We just do.

The End

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