Today is my friend's birthday. Her name was Christy. She killed herself in August. I miss her so much. She was really the only one who understood the pain and hurt we both went through. While she lived here in NC I had gone to her apartment where she and her dad lived. (I knew he kinda snaps at her but I thought: "Don't all parents do?". Her mom had died in a car accident when she was 5.). Her dad left, she had a few other friends come over. I don't remember much but we except one of Christy's friends, had tripped on acid. (This was during Summer break in July). It was fun and here was so much going on, reflecting on it I didn't really know where the acid came from.
Christy had moved away with her dad to Pennsylvania.
I had received a text from one of Christy's friends during dinner. I remember the text saying Christy hung herself. Her friend had also told me why in the text. The acid came from Christy because her dad would sell her for sex and he would get the money to get the acid. For an hour I was at the dinner table holding in tears, because I didn't want to tell my mom or dad that I suddenly had a friend and now she killed herself. I didn't feel comfortable with it. I really miss her. She helped me stop cutting for a while. I cried yesterday after track practice. My boyfriend and I carpool and it was his dad's turn to drop me off home. I asked him if I could just stay with them for a while because I didn't want to go home and my parents find me crying. I thank his dad and him immensely for letting me stay for as long as I did yesterday. It got my mind away from my friend. I don't want to ever forget her but I was in so much pain I didn't want to become a problem. I did make a good decision though because even though I was crying over a lost friend, I was able to meet more of my boyfriend's family. They really cheered me up, and I thank them too, even if they don't know I was hurt, they still made me smile.
I also realized earlier this morning, that my Paw Paw and Maw Maw...because we cut off all contact and relations with them...it still hurts knowing because of them they can't see me grow another year old. It makes me cry when I realize that to them, I and my family wasn't more important that a dog, the pitbull, they wanted to keep.