This is my expressive typing. Everything I write in here is true, honest, and mostly about what I want people to hear.
I am not going to brag or complain about a whole lot of things but its just life as we all know it. I opened myself up on a day at school called ‘Challenge Day’ if you read my poem, you would know what I am referring to. But this is somewhat like a diary, I wouldn’t necessarily call it that, just an online journal; my version, of my story of my life.
I’m not entirely sure where to start, but I guess I can have a good beginning when I was in fourth grade. I had changed schools for the second time, I attended three different elementary schools, and it was where I came into reality: I didn’t like myself. I was quiet so people didn’t talk to me, I was always talking to teachers, and I liked talking to teachers because I knew they wouldn’t comment on my crooked teeth. I never liked my school pictures when I smiled fully, I learned how to cover my mouth when I laugh or smile since. That was my main problem because everyone would say that smiling would help someone’s day, then when I did smile and people noticed it felt discriminating and it hurt my feelings as a kid.
It continued to all of 8thgrade. My current grade so far.
When 5thgrade graduation came I had no one available to attend to see my ceremony. They had informed my parents the day before grad-day and they couldn’t make last minute changes so no one in my family saw me graduate and I cried because I was leaving teachers who I felt comfortable talking to, so I was with a friend’s mother during this time.
6thgrade: Middle school, I spent more time with my friend Amber, we met our friends, Mustafa, Paul, Jerry, and a few others but they grew out of it sorta. I had other friends but they were in 7thand 8thgrade. 6thgrade I grew a reputation, without realizing I had, for dating around… a lot…and being the stereotypical “emo”, “goth” kid. I was smart though and that kept me hoping for something more than just stupid labels. But I did accept the labels in ways, I lived up to them for some reason. I had friends in 7thgrade, Kayla, Bird, and Tyler and others but they aren’t that significant to my story. My 8thgrade friend turned into a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
(Side note from school: Home:
My mother’s step-mother (Maw Maw), half-sister (Aunt Toni), and biological father (Paw Paw) had a dog, a pitbull. It attacked my dad in the leg while he was minding his own business helping my Paw Paw. My parents didn’t want me or my brother to visit them if they had the dog on their property. We hadn’t heard from them after 6 months)
Close to the end of the 6thgrade (like four days away from summer!) for me, on the bus Kayla and me and Jerry and a few others were cutting each other with some razor blades from pencil sharpeners. When we all got called to the office we were all suspended for the rest of the year: four days. On a weapons charge.
During summer I had went to Virginia; I met someone and he was really interested in me. We knew each other for three months prior to summer, but we still didn’t full know each other. We ended up going to a party; I’m twelve, he is fourteen. We did drink a little but it was enough to lead us down a seducing path. We did end up having sex. What’s worse: I don’t regret it. It made me smile, therefore I don’t regret it. Later in summer my boyfriend from school in 8thgrade I mentioned earlier still thought we were together…”Shit!” I thought. I cheated on him. I couldn’t continue the relationship, so I ended it, but I never gave him the reason. The boy I had intercourse with, I never saw him again until I went to another ex’s house, they turned out to be cousins. I felt so bad, but I didn’t cheat on them with each other. I accidently cheated, because I thought we had ended out relationship.
7thgrade: We re-entered the same school. It was the best school year I had have in a long while. I had a hilarious science teacher, especially with the reproducing unit…if you know what I mean. My teachers were all hilarious, the classmates weren’t as mean or annoying, and I rebuilt friendships. I started being a typical rebellious teen, I kept hanging around the “wrong people”. They were minor trouble-makers but they were good people to me. I had these friends: Kayla, Tyler M., Tyler D., Chris, Nick, Malinda, Gladis, Jerry, Paul, Mustafa, Amber, Lexi, Zach, Griffin, Eli, Taylor (boy), Bird, Sarah, and Jena, plus others but they don’t tie importance into the story.
I started walking to the public Library down the street from my school. I walked with Kayla, she had friends: Nick and Tyler D. this particular Tyler with blonde hair and big brown eyes…we secretly fought over him but I let her have him. They broke up then he went after me. As much as I wanted to date him I couldn’t. I had another friend in Virginia: his name was Luke. We dated for 8months surviving off of text. Tyler D. was just a friend who we had make-outs with. I dated Chris, but he just turned into a total asshole to my friends. I almost dated Nick but he was just…I guess a stupid ass, he tried to juggle different middle and high school girls at once. I almost fell for it then I got grounded for three months. For being kicked off the bus….again…
They kicked me, Kayla, and Taylor off for three months for kidnapping, harassment, and stealing. Our office, in my opinion was retarded the past two years.
I never saw Jerry, Paul, or Bird from not riding the bus and my ex boyfriend Eli. He was hilarious but I just didn’t see a strong future with him. My friend, Mustafa invited, and bought me a ticket to the school performance for Grease. I have never seen the movie. (I wanted to when I was younger, mom said no, I don’t want to see it now, mom says I should).
I go and watch with Amber and her boyfriend Noah. When it starts the intro I see Jerry. My exact thoughts were “Damn! He’s hott!!! :o What the fuck was I missing out on?”
I couldn’t focus on the rest of the play I just thought about him. His hair greased back, the black leather jacket, the ripped jeans, the vest, the nice suit he wore, he was the understudy for Danny, I guess he was the leading role, even though he didn’t perform that night I knew something about him was just “Damn!”
After the play I waited outside for Jerry, Amber, Noah, Paul, Mustafa, and others. I see Mustafa dragging Jerry out of the building into the night at 10p.m. it’s raining and the only light are dim and don’t reveal much light at all. But I hugged him and we were pushed into the drizzle of the rain and I asked him if he would want to be in a relationship. He said yes. That night was my first kiss with him as well. We hugged for at least 3 minutes, then I realized Paul was staring at us bug-eyed and I asked, “How much did you see?”
“For twenty bucks, nothing!” he joked.
We stayed outside with Amber and Noah, his arm around me, leaning against the brick outdoor walls of the buildings of the school. Even when he had to leave, he asked for one last kiss, and those kisses that night made my heart explode.
Amber’s mother took me and her to their residence, and when we told her about my new boyfriend she was ecstatic. When I and Amber were alone in her room we realized a problem: I still had Luke. I had to leave him. We were growing apart but he meant so much.
When my mom came to pick me up and we told her I had a boyfriend she said, “Who?”